When the memory ends, Anafiel looks exhausted--and every single year of his age. His voice is quiet, but steady, as he speaks. "I said, then, that I forgave him and when I did, I think I meant it. I still do forgive him for his imagined transgression of loving Alcuin, for in that there is nothing to forgive. There is never anything to forgive in loving someone or something, only betimes in the actions one takes in the name of that love.
"And yet, time made a liar of me. Dungeon-pent for a year, yet perfectly conscious of my previous time in liminal space, alone except for my thoughts and my living memories, I came to feel as though by urging the interface upon me, trusting I would take it as all knowledge is worth having, Leonardo had cut off all options for me but to grant him forgiveness. That such forgiveness, in fact, was a hollow one. I came to feel that he had manipulated me through the Interface, mayhap through the entire length of the conversation. And so I grew to resent Leonardo, for that manipulation, for those lost choices. For flooding my mind with his jealous fantasies. For showing me the vision of myself as a monstrous statue, so very like the man you accused me of being, intent on selfishly, sacrilegiously hiding Alcuin's brightness from all others.
"All that when I had come to Leonardo to tell him he did not need to fear I would take Alcuin from him! Indeed, I most heartily wished to give them my blessing, as I had for him and Thorne. And yes, I wanted to learn more of him, but that was because he was beloved of my boy. I wanted to like him, Malik. Indeed, there was even the half-formed thought that if I liked Leonardo well-enough, I would invite him to spend a night making Alcuin very happy with one of us on either side of him. And as distasteful as our meeting was, there was still a part of me that recognized that if we had met any other way, mayhap we might have been friends.
"It does not matter. I fell into a dungeon a few days after our encounter and when I emerged, Leonardo was gone. And I cannot let go of what he did to me, though the gods know I wish I could."
2/2 (also slightly nsfw because fucking d'angelines)
"And yet, time made a liar of me. Dungeon-pent for a year, yet perfectly conscious of my previous time in liminal space, alone except for my thoughts and my living memories, I came to feel as though by urging the interface upon me, trusting I would take it as all knowledge is worth having, Leonardo had cut off all options for me but to grant him forgiveness. That such forgiveness, in fact, was a hollow one. I came to feel that he had manipulated me through the Interface, mayhap through the entire length of the conversation. And so I grew to resent Leonardo, for that manipulation, for those lost choices. For flooding my mind with his jealous fantasies. For showing me the vision of myself as a monstrous statue, so very like the man you accused me of being, intent on selfishly, sacrilegiously hiding Alcuin's brightness from all others.
"All that when I had come to Leonardo to tell him he did not need to fear I would take Alcuin from him! Indeed, I most heartily wished to give them my blessing, as I had for him and Thorne. And yes, I wanted to learn more of him, but that was because he was beloved of my boy. I wanted to like him, Malik. Indeed, there was even the half-formed thought that if I liked Leonardo well-enough, I would invite him to spend a night making Alcuin very happy with one of us on either side of him. And as distasteful as our meeting was, there was still a part of me that recognized that if we had met any other way, mayhap we might have been friends.
"It does not matter. I fell into a dungeon a few days after our encounter and when I emerged, Leonardo was gone. And I cannot let go of what he did to me, though the gods know I wish I could."