Oh my, did Hijikata-san really have success in retrieving him, already?
[ why else would the other be here and not be angrily lecturing him by now?
Souji finally sighs heavily, forcing a line of words to come out. he isn't sure why the other's here because despite the allusion of being worried given by the back and forth conversation telepathically prior to his actual arrival, it wasn't as if Souji expected him to feel any more capable of handling that in person than at a distance. So, he can only assume that there must be another reason for this in-person meeting than that and the silence, while worth something to be in Hijikata's presence for not trying to get him to scream in order for his undivided attention to be had like it is here, therefore is superficial and all the more necessary to break if he can't stop himself from feeling otherwise.
Souji's used to wanting what he can't have—there's no sense making it cut deeper by letting himself pretend things can be something that they are not, even when only to himself.
of course, Souji means Yamazaki and being retrieved from the dungeons. Souji feels a little guilty for not going considering he was the only who sent the other there, but the fact he's never been a great person is easily reinforced the awareness that while he's guilty, he's not nearly guilty enough.
which means he must be guilty for all the wrong reasons to begin with.
so, more than ever, Souji feels a bitter taste in his mouth that Hijikata is here. he must feel obligated. he must feel guilty. he must feel sorry.
Souji doesn't want his guilt or his obligations to kondou—and he more than anything, doesn't want his stupid pity. ]
no subject
[ why else would the other be here and not be angrily lecturing him by now?
Souji finally sighs heavily, forcing a line of words to come out. he isn't sure why the other's here because despite the allusion of being worried given by the back and forth conversation telepathically prior to his actual arrival, it wasn't as if Souji expected him to feel any more capable of handling that in person than at a distance. So, he can only assume that there must be another reason for this in-person meeting than that and the silence, while worth something to be in Hijikata's presence for not trying to get him to scream in order for his undivided attention to be had like it is here, therefore is superficial and all the more necessary to break if he can't stop himself from feeling otherwise.
Souji's used to wanting what he can't have—there's no sense making it cut deeper by letting himself pretend things can be something that they are not, even when only to himself.
of course, Souji means Yamazaki and being retrieved from the dungeons. Souji feels a little guilty for not going considering he was the only who sent the other there, but the fact he's never been a great person is easily reinforced the awareness that while he's guilty, he's not nearly guilty enough.
which means he must be guilty for all the wrong reasons to begin with.
so, more than ever, Souji feels a bitter taste in his mouth that Hijikata is here. he must feel obligated. he must feel guilty. he must feel sorry.
Souji doesn't want his guilt or his obligations to kondou—and he more than anything, doesn't want his stupid pity. ]