synopsychic | Help, I need somebody

[Somebody's waiting at the forge for whatever answer she gets from the various doctor-ish type people on the network, sitting at one of the tables with a tablet, rather than a sketchbook or a regular book, scrolling through various texts he's picked up from more technologically advanced Jaunt worlds without really paying much attention to them.

None of them, after all, are on babies.]

[When she returns, she hovers in the doorway, staring at Riddick in silence and wondering if he'll forgive her for this. Ever.]

... I'm at least 4 months along. It must have happened when we were on that island with the repressed elves.

[Riddick sighs, runs a hand over his head, and says succinctly,]

Fuck.

[This is not the place for babies. It is not the time for babies. He is not the person for babies. A beat later, he adds:]

Is it okay? Healthy and shit?

Apparently I kept the immortal ichor from Olympus, which we're guessing either healed some of the Blight damage or reversed some of its effects. The Blight is still present, but so is the ichor.

[As for Riddick's question:][Takes the print-out of the sonogram and passes it to him, pointing out the blurry features.] That's the head. These are the legs, and that's one of the arms.

[Hesitates, then adds:] Tachibana also offered to work on something to keep the infant safe from the Blight while in my womb. To make sure there's no chance of infection.

[The only time Riddick has ever seen a baby ultrasound is in an infiltration, well before Jaunt time, and that was literally only once. It takes her pointing out the features before he has any idea what he's seeing-- and even then, he's just glad it's in black and white or he might not make out anything.

He sits and stares at it for a long moment, expression all but nonexistent. Finally he says:]

Vilari, I don't got any idea how to do this.

For what it's worth? I don't, either.

[She watches him a while longer and finally asks, voice soft:] Do you want me to leave? We... aren't actually married. You don't owe me anything, and the child doesn't need to be your responsibility. You have enough to worry about, here, and more than enough people who depend on you.

[It would hurt. A lot. But she'd remove herself for him, even if she might refuse to terminate the pregnancy itself.]

Fuck marriage, that don't got nothin' to do with anything.

[He looks up at her, now looking somewhere between offended and disturbed.]

That's my kid. Right? If you're keepin' it, and it survives, I'm not gonna fuckin' let you go off and do it all alone.

If you don't want to be a parent, I'm not going to force you to. [She keeps her own face calm and unflinching.] You didn't ask for this, and from what I remember with those 'visions' we experienced, you definitely didn't want children.

I'm a fuckin' wanted criminal, back home. It never crossed my mind to think about it, because it was never gonna happen. That don't mean I'm gonna turn around and pretend it didn't. Where the fuck did you even get that idea that I could that?

[Maybe six years ago, or however long it's been since he started traveling, he might have. ... but he doubts it. Now, the thought that she thinks he might actually hurts.]

[Her eyes grow sad, then.] Because you were furious when you thought I'd misled you about my being barren. The idea of family, especially when you're infiltrated as someone who relishes in being part of one, always seems to leave you unsettled.

[Then, voice small, not at all her usual sure, measured tone, she asks:] Do you want to be this child's father?

I wasn't furious, Vilari, I was fucking terrified.

[He sets the pictures down, leans his elbows on his knees, and runs his hands down his face.]

I want to not fuck up some tiny thing that's dependin' on me. Because I'm gonna fuck it up, it's what I fuckin' do.

[He's spent the past hour or so while she's been at Tachibana's thinking about the various lives he's ruined, even when he tried to do the right thing by them.]

But thinking about not even tryin' is worse.

[Staring a while longer, she steps forward, pressing his head and hands to her abdomen, stroking his nape and shoulders.]

I'm terrified, too. Even if it somehow survives to full-term, how can I protect an infant here, of all places? Will it even be able to nurse from me, or will that be Tainted as well? What if- [She has to swallowed, pause, take a breath and continue:] What if we're separated? I'm not the maternal type, I'm a warrior, a Warden, what do I know of rearing children?

I've faced down all kinds of horrors in my life, and I can honestly say that this is the most terrified I've ever been.

[She allows herself to fold forward, just a bit, hugging him to her, hiding her face behind him so he doesn't see just how much of that bone-deep fear is showing.]

But I don't want to lose it. And I don't want to lose you, either. I don't want to force you to be a father but... I don't know if I can do this alone.

I'm not goin' anywhere, if I have any say in it.

[Which is a somewhat chilling reminder to them both that they might not have a say in it, but the intent is there. He turns his head a bit, ear to her tummy as if he could hear the little thing growing in there, shutting his eyes and putting an arm around her thighs in a hug. Maybe he should have started getting some kind of contraception as soon as it occurred to him that it might be possible, but it's too late for that now.]

I had a part in this, and I ain't gonna back out just cuz it's gonna get harder.

[Squeezing her eyes shut, she lets out a shaky breath, relaxing minutely and giving his shoulders and nape a gentle squeeze.]

Thank you, ma vhenan. We'll get through this.

There ain't a "through". Unless we're still traveling when this kid is an adult, this is a thing we've got for as long as we're doin' this thing.

[He sits up again, gently disengaging her hands on his neck.]

We're gonna have to talk about how we'll raise it. What to call it. How to keep it from turnin' into a little terror like Rose.

[How to somehow end up on the same side of things, when this is all over, but that's not a thing they can do much about. Not yet.]

[She shifts her hands to instead rest on his shoulders, offering him a wry smile.]

Judging from that vision of yours'? I don't think there's much hope for it not growing into just as much of a terror.

You said yourself that was only possible. Could be we manage a little better since we got an example, and we ain't Wash.

[He imagines Vilari will not be an indulgent sort of parent. He has no idea what kind of parent he'll be. He doubts he will know until there's a baby in his hands. (Oh god he has no idea what he's doing.)]

If that vision thing was right, though, it's gonna be a she. How soon can we find that out, for sure?

I'm not sure. I'll ask Tachibana, later, since I expect he'll be able to see through the machine once the infant has developed enough.

[And now that Riddick seems... mostly okay with the situation, that last little bit of tension is gone and Vilari realises she's exhausted, sagging forward just a bit. Realises, in fact, that she's been getting increasingly more tired easily for the past few weeks.]

I think I'm going to have a nap. [Sighs and offers him a slight smile.] I can't promise any fireworks, but care to join me?

[She'll understand if he refuses - they've both been rattled, and he might want some time alone, after all.]

Edited (html fail) 2018-07-09 20:45 (UTC)

[He considers that a moment, obligingly holding her up against his shoulder and moving his hand to rub her back, then shakes his head.]

Like to, but don't think I'll be able to sit still. I'll come join you later.

[Maybe after he's hit some things. Or possibly called up Wash. Or Matthew, so he can go yell at the Trumps for this fucked up timing and make sure no offspring of his is going to get marked.]

[She just smiles and nods, giving him a soft, lingering kiss before pulling away, Mi'durgenn following her to the bedroom to watch over his mistress as she sleeps.]

[Mi'durgenn gets a pat, and Vilari gets a hand trailed from shoulder, arm, and to fingers as she moves away.

Then he glances at the pictures again, sighs, and pushes himself up to pace out of the Forge. He's going to talk to someone. He's just not sure who, yet.]

Help, I need somebody

Not on the network...

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