[open]

[closetshark]

As entertaining as this all is, I'm more of a skee-ball sort. Though I will admit that the rats are a rather lovely touch, so kudos on that bit to whoever thought this one up.

Normally I wouldn't bother with you twits but as my usual methods of leaving places haven't worked I'm forced to actually ask how to do so. The faster I get out the faster I can finish a project I was working on.

I've got some yeti to inform about the cancellation of Christmas and really can't dally about.

Comments

[oftoomuchfaith]

Cancelling Christmas is a bit cliche for an evil plot, don't you think? Also, yeti?

[closetshark]

Considering North has tried to kill me on numerous occasions it's a well deserved vengeance, besides I've already taken care of Easter, the fairy and Sanderson.

[a pause]

Yes, yeti. They just let the elves think they do things... little jingly morons don't know a screwdriver from a marshmallow.

[oftoomuchfaith]

Who are the fairy and Sanderson?

[ mostly curious right now ]

About your question, if someone's found a way to leave, they haven't let anyone else know. So good luck with that, I guess?

[closetshark]

You know them as the Tooth Fairy and Sandman respectively. North is who you lot call Santa and if you need me to explain who the rabbit is I'm not sure you should be allowed to exist anymore.

Lovely. You're so very helpful.

[whydoyoushine]

What, cancelling Christmas, really?

[Oh, that's good. He's laughing.]

So, what, covering the land in darkness or trying to blot out all the light? What's it going to be?

[oftoomuchfaith]

They're real? [there's a distinct tone of dubiousness in that question] Well. I suppose that's not the weirdest thing in the world, what with this place.

...Oh, I'm sorry, was informing you of facts that were relevant to your question not the helpful thing to do? You could try being a bit less sarcastic next time.

[darkhourdear]

Why would you want to get rid of Christmas? [apparently as the resident representation of Death himself, Phillip can't understand the reasoning behind something that dark.]

[closetshark]

Of course they're real. Just because you can't see us doesn't mean we aren't real, you can't see electrons but you know they're real.

I could but where's the fun in that?

[closetshark]

Oh no, I'm going to make those of the Light watch as all they've done rots away.

It's a matter of a countdown at this point but I like to make an impression. Who knew that only a couple nights of bad dreams could destroy everything they fought so long to build?

[oftoomuchfaith]

Given what I do know to exist back home, I'd actually be surprised if they were real where I'm from.

I assume it's less fun when it irritates a god past her patience. But what do I know? Knock yourself out.

[closetshark]

Because "Santa" is a lying murderer who doesn't know anything about the world and doesn't deserve to be worshipped by you ninnies.

[closetshark]

I've watched gods die so forgive me for not being all that impressed. I'm old.

[darkhourdear]

[..........there is so much in that sentence that makes no sense.]

Your world sounds really weird. [that's something he tries not to say but seriously wth]

[oftoomuchfaith]

I'm not. And I am. It's a long story.

[curious]

Who are you, then, old guy who hates Christmas?

[whydoyoushine]

A countdown? You're giving them a countdown?

[Excuse him, this is the funniest thing he's heard all day.]

Man, you must really want to lose. That's great. Good for you.

[closetshark]

It's only slightly sideways of the mortal world, they're the weirdos.

[darkhourdear]

Hey. [he is a part of that mortal world, thank you.] What happened?

[closetshark]

Please, like I'm going to lose.

[It's what he doesn't know that's going to get him.]

I've neutralized every threat that could have possibly stood in my way, in the most permanent way possible.

[closetshark]

I am Fear, and Darkness.

Though my more recent title is The Bogeyman. You can call me Pitch.

[closetshark]

What do you mean what happened?

[darkhourdear]

You said Santa was a lying murderer. [there is a story in there and he wants to hear it.]

[closetshark]

He was a mercenary and a thief before he stopped being mortal. The lying and killing are kind of an integral part of that.

[darkhourdear]

[oh. somehow that seems less bad.] How did he stop being mortal?

[oftoomuchfaith]

I don't much fear darkness, unfortunately. It seems to be a bit my home turf.

Pitch, huh? Like pitch darkness, I'm sure. You can call me Persephone.

[closetshark]

No idea. We don't exactly exchange life stories or write letters.

He tends to try to kill me actually.