synopsychic | He calls me up, calls me on the phone

Understood. I guess your name wasn't in that notebook?

[True to her word at least, when he arrived she only looked at him with the same suspicion and curiosity that most of the Children looked at him with.]

Even if it was, I have not been using it.

I am going to have to give everyone a lecture when we get out of this mess and everyone is themselves again.

Oh! That was smart. I should have thought of that, but I didn't expect something like this.

...A lecture? [Well that sounds ominous.]

I thought the whole Travellers thing was supposed to be secret, or at least that is what I understand of it.

I do not trust anyone infiltrating anyway, they might have been turned in to someone willing to torture information out of people or worse. I do hope Byerly will not take this incident personally.

Yes, it was supposed to be. All we can do now is try and stop things from getting worse.

Usually people stay pretty close to themselves, but... [But the Mayor did many things Leonardo would never dream of.]

I hope not too. Which is why I told them some of the things I did, to make it easier on him. I'll be in Psychic contact with him as long as he wants me to be and once everything's done I'll use my healing magic on him as soon as I can without anyone seeing. It's his own fault he was captured so that's his Karma to bare, but if he hates me for this... Then I'll accept that Karma of my own.

Edited 2015-10-07 20:38 (UTC)

By telling more people? Why not go make an announcement to the whole city at this point? You can tell them that there's a good few dozen people who are not from their world running around with no idea what they are doing but they can do things like set people on fire with their minds or turn in to monsters.

I am sure it will go over swimmingly.

Usually is not enough, Sera.

[Now after getting dismissed and questioned and talked down to for the entire Jaunt, she had a choice. She could withdraw in on herself the way she used to, completely withdraw and admit to being stupid and useless and making the wrong choices all the time for the "adults" to come swooping in and fix her every-growing list of perceived mistakes. Or she could stand up for the decisions she made as a Leader without a Tribe, trying to make the best of her shitty situation. That right or wrong she did what she felt was the correct course of action.]

[For the first time in her life, she chose the second option. Speaking mentally it was hard to tell tone sometimes, but her "voice" took on a hard, determined edge to it.]

No, not the whole city. Not the common, average person. Only those who need to know, who learned too much on their own and would continue to find out as much as they could. This way I have some control over how things end up. This way I have some control over what they find out exactly, and how. I made a gamble on recognizing the The Wolf as a comrade, and let him prove to me that he still had that comrade's honor. The form that honor takes is different, but still there. The Wolf proved himself to me on his own. He doesn't know about the magic and other abilities we have. He's heard from the rumors we come from another world, but I've only said we come from very far away. This is what I decided to be the best course of action, as Leader of the Embryon. I am done with people that know nothing about me and only know part of the situation deciding what I should or shouldn't do. I am done with people trying to control me! You don't have to agree with my choice, but I stand by it.

[it is a remarkably good thing that she hadn't come out with that in the heat of the situation earlier. Not that it was a good thing to come out with to him anyway.]

Well I am certainly glad I am not one of your Embyron.

A leader does what is best for the safety of everyone else, not whatever the hell they want. Did you even once think of what consequences would befall anyone else who is not one of your little friends?

Byerly or I could have died. I nearly did again, because everyone has their heads so far up their own asses they cannot tell anyone else aa god forsaken thing.

Someone acting like you did is why I lost my arm and watched my only family be slaughtered.

Do you think I wanted any of this!? Do you think I wanted Byerly to be hurt!? That I wanted you to be hurt because someone else refused to follow orders!? I wanted to help my fellow Travelers solve whatever the Trumps put us here to solve! And do you know what happened? From the very beginning I have been ignored, brushed aside, treated like I'm nothing! First I was treated like I have no idea what I'm doing, even though I've been a Traveler longer than a lot of them! Then when everyone else started going crazy I tried to step in and stop them from acting so crazy, and was ignored or treated like a child for it! Now this! Did you know I was trying to help? That I'd joined the Wolves' Children to get information for the others? That The Wolf then confronted me on the notebook, and my only options were to be more open than I wanted to or to portal back into Liminal Space right in front of him and stay there for the rest of the Jaunt? Why, when only the Infiltrators have shown me any respect or kindness this entire time!? The only one who would work with me as an ally suddenly turned into an Infiltrator in the middle of this!

I guess you think I should have ran like a coward. I guess you think I should have let him think we were all enemies that wanted him and the poor children he takes care of gone. You have no idea the lengths he'd go to to keep them safe. They are his family. Would you rather I let him seek out and attempt to assassinate every name in that book?

No, you wouldn't have died. I told The Wolf about the Network, and I also told him that every person connected to it doesn't stay dead when they're killed. That anyone he tried to kill would be back in a few days, angry and wanting to hurt everyone. I took a chance that that threat would make him take the most peaceable option possible, and it worked. If a Leader wasn't willing to take chances like that, the Embryon would have been wiped out back in the Junkyard under our first Leader. I will never be the Leader Serph was, but I have to try to be!

I'm sorry for your family. I really am. Maybe you don't believe me, but I saw my family be killed right in front of me too. So, so many times. But I have to keep moving forward in their memory. If I don't do my best, no matter how hard, or how scary, then I'm insulting their memory. Dr. O'Brien, Jinana, Lupa, Roland, Argilla, Heat, Gale, Cielo, Serph... The moment I stop doing what my heart tells me to, their deaths lose any meaning. I won't allow that to happen.

...Do you think that family member you lost would approve of what you're doing and saying right now?

...Do not ever try to use my blood brother against me, we were the only happiness we were allowed and I will not allow your selfishness to touch his memory.

I have a fractured skull from where an angry bear-thing smashed my head in to the metal floor and was nearly gutted. I know how much my body can handle and yes, I would have died in that fight before any of you could have stopped it. I also would have bitten my own tongue out and died before spilling any secret that could compromise any of us, because that is the life I was raised in.

Leaders get questioned, they get called out when they make bad decisions, they get held accountable. Leadership is earned not taken because you decide you want to be one. You get treated like a child because you often act like one.

You should have told us that we were compromised, that someone was willing to kill us for being Travellers. That would have been responsible.

Hearts are only as good as the heads attached to them, Sera. Use yours.

[The mention of his injuries does at least get her to pause.] I am sorry about you being hurt. I wish you would have called for help. I don't want people here to know I can turn into a demon but that would have been better than you two hurting each other. I've already used my healing magic on Byerly, and would be more than willing to use it on you as well. If you don't trust me... I think Naoki and Doujima have Personas. One of them might know Dia magic too.

I'm sorry I said what I did about your brother too. I've seen and heard too much of what happens when the memories of those we've lost is forgotten. I wanted you to maybe think about whether you were doing that or not, but I was out of line.

I am trying to hold myself accountable. If I'd acted against my beliefs and against my honor we wouldn't be having this conversation. I was forced to make decisions without a Second or a Strategist, and all Leaders will make mistakes without their Officers. And you know something? I never wanted to be Leader. I became Leader when I became the only member of the original Embryon to survive. I should have died with Serph, but instead the Trumps brought me here. I would have rather died with him! But the Trumps had other ideas and all I can do is try to rebuild my Tribe, my family, as best I can without losing what it means to be Embryon.

Or would you rather see me give up everything I've ever believed in and let everyone use me as a tool, too?

Get over it.

You are far from special in being alone and cut off from everyone you care about.

You are using it as an excuse to not do anything other than whine and feel bad about yourself.

Suck it up, stand up, and learn a lesson. When you can stop making everything about how inconvenienced you have been and start doing something about it, talk to me again.

I am done.

[He's not going to respond from here.]

[For a split second there's a feeling of pure, fiery rage flashing through the connection. It's more than just the anger of a human. This was the fury of a wounded animal, an enraged monster that wanted to lash out at him with tooth and claw and ice and blade. His words had made her so infuriated it had nearly activated her Atma against her will and it took her a good moment to get control of it.]

You. You are a horrible, cold-hearted person. I will not disrespect my comrade's memory just because one person insists that going against the Tribe's code of honor is the only way to do things. But fine. I won't try to help you ever again, if that's the way you want it. Why would I want to be an ally to someone like you!? If this is how you treat someone that's trying to apologize then I'd hate to know how much bad Karma you're forcing yourself to bear.

If mourning my friends because they were all killed in front of me one by one and trying to keep some piece of them alive is 'whining' and an 'inconvenience' to you, then you might as well mark yourself with dark blue and call yourself the new Leader of the Brutes Tribe because you're no better than Varin Omega was.

You are no better than the lab workers that treated me like I was only another piece in the machine. You are no better than the Director, who's heart was so full of hate that she wouldn't allow herself to feel anything else, even when it was easier to let go of it.

I feel sorry for you.

Do what you feel is right. But I will do what I feel is right too, no matter who's beliefs that conflicts with. I'm not so weak as to let bullies like you push me around anymore. I hope you can find a way to balance your Karma, but you have to realize how much of a jerk you are first.

Please, stay away from me in Liminal Space, for both our good. I don't want to hurt you but Varnani does. I think I can keep that part of me under control but I'd rather not take that chance.

[What he can't tell on the Network? The way she's clinging to the cybernetic cat Mote became on this Jaunt. The way blue lines streak out from the Atma Brand on her cheek in a broken way. The fact that finally being taken seriously only to be so thoroughly ripped apart and have her delicately budding self-confidence stomped into the ground was leaving her sobbing violently. She can't do this anymore... she can't. So it's just as well he's done talking because she fully raises her mental shield to cut herself off from being easily spoken to on the Network for a good long while.]

He calls me up, calls me on the phone

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