synopsychic | had enough

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had enough

I... I've had enough.

[Jean's voice come across the network as very quiet and rather weak. He's back from the death again, this time remaining in liminal space.]

I was killed. Again. What sort of a person gets killed twice in the same jaunt? It's ridiculous. [There's a forced, nervous laugh.] On top of that this time it was... it was... more painful, both mentally and... becausewhydidIrunintothemjustwhy-

[The way he talks is more panicky at the end before an abrupt pause. He's quiet for quite a long time before gathering himself and continuing.]

I'll be staying in Liminal Space. I don't think I would be useful anymore even if I came back.

Well you could probably use me as a shield.

[Ha ha. Ha..... ]

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... I'll... try not. [He takes a deeper breathe.] I'll try not to let this affect how I feel about him as well.

I know it's not easy sometimes. But I do think you guys'll be okay, as long as you get a chance to talk about it.

[He hopes so, anyway.]

... somehow I'm even afraid of that, since usually even our serious conversations end up in a fight.

[He sighs, but at least it's not a desperate one at this point. He's calmed down a bit for now.]

You know, being here reminds me of the party for Souji and... I counted up the days when mine would be, according to what we follow in liminal.

[It's not like he's cared about birthdays, but he might as well say it since it came to his mind and it's good to get this stuff out.]

It was the day Eren killed me. What a present, right?

Ouch. I mean, I ended up with a doozy of a birthday last year myself, but at least nobody killed me.

I imagine the amount of good birthdays is radically smaller than those that fall on something unfortunate. So I'm not even mad about it, just... the timing.

[Not the way he imagined turning sixteen.]

Yeah, probably. [At least they still know when their birthdays are relative to Traveling.]

Dying's not easy. I can't imagine dying twice in three weeks is going to be any more fun. But more of us are going to know the feeling than not, so at least people will understand why it's bugging you so much.

... yeah. It still kinda feels like I'm abandoning the mission. I feel damn useless.

Well, I can't say I blame you. Giving up's not in my nature, but... I also can't say how I'd react to what you've been through. You're not abandoning the mission, you're trying to keep yourself sane, and right now that's not going to happen out there.

If you think you can handle it again, there's always the temple, if you can get a portal there. At least for now, it's pretty quiet.

[For now.]

I suppose. It's not like I'd be any use with my mental state being like it is.

[He'd be fighting about the worst investigator award with Jules if he went back right away.]

My portals are stationary so I'm not sure if I can really decide where I get out. Which is kind of a nuisance, really.

No kidding. I really need to figure out the other kind. [Being so scattered this jaunt has only driven the point home.]

But that's why you see if someone who's already there can let you out. Plenty of us can do those portals, at least.

Yeah. I'll throw a question to the network if when... if I feel like returning and going to the Temple. For now, I think I'll stay here.

I wonder how comfortable those booths are for sleeping. [If he can get himself to sleep.]

Probably not the greatest, but better than a pile of coins, that's for sure.

Do you want me to stay here for a while?

... if it's not too much trouble, I definitely wouldn't mind some company for a while. Talking makes it harder to think about things.

Not at all. I even have a couple jaunts you weren't around for to talk about, if that'd help.

Anything that gives me something else to think about definitely helps. I'd like to learn about the past Jaunts anyway.

Well, that's easy enough. The Grid was a good one anyway - probably my favorite.

...Actually, I could show you some of it.

You could? I wouldn't mind seeing it.

Yeah. It's one of the skills from the Grid, actually - I didn't pick it up until later, but still.

I'll need your hand. It works based on touch.

Oh. Sure.

[Jean holds out his hand for Naoki. It's also a sign of trusting him, even if he'd be very unsure of something like this with anyone else right now.]

[Well, that's something, right?

The Interface begins almost as soon as Naoki touches Jean's hand. It's mainly visuals of the Grid - a very dark place, with groups of people apparently designated by the lights on their outfits. To start, those colors are red, blue, and white, with a little green, but some of the later visuals have an ever-increasing amount of yellow.

And because Naoki has yet to pull off an Interface that doesn't include something he wasn't necessarily intending, Jean gets to see the moment the yellow faction was created for himself.]

[The increasing amount of yellow reminds him of Naoki telling about the rebellion, so it's easy to come to the conclusion the color increase has something to do with that, but instead of actually making a question out of that, he gets to see the moment the yellow ones started to form.

Of course, all the code and program things don't make any sense to him, but it does make him smile. Somehow, he can sense how happy SHIRO is.]

[Interface is a bit tiring, off the Grid, but right now it's nothing Naoki can't work around. He does raise an eyebrow at Jean's smile, though.]

Well, at least that was a good extra bit. I have yet to get through one of these things without extra information getting in there somehow.

It was. Naoto's overlay really looked happy for what you two did. [It must have been really important for them.]

It's impressive you can show something like that.

Yeah. That was... a really good jaunt. Pretty chaotic near the end, but still my favorite. [The rebellion was just... really, really good for him.]

It was extra helpful as a way to pass on information there. You might be able to do the thing now too, it usually seems to work like that.

Is it a world you'd like to go back to? To see how things are going?

[A good jaunt might have meant you wanted to go back, but also that the story had a good end that you don't want to go there again.]

Really? Maybe I'll try it out, sometime.

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leftbehindagain - 2016-05-05 17:50 (UTC) - Expand

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rustyhonesty - 2016-05-09 19:06 (UTC) - Expand

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