I Never Asked For This

[failgoyle]

What the...what the hell?!

I was done with this! Done with it! What even...

...why the hell am I a teenager again?! What's going on?!


[He can also be found sulking in the room with the crystalline caves, trying to hide from everyone.]

Comments

[rustyhonesty]

You must have been infected by one of the syndromes. It should wear off in time.

[failgoyle]

One of the syndromes?!?

And well, yeah, time is a normal cure for adolescence! Just a lot of it!

[rustyhonesty]

In one of the worlds, there were several kinds of 'diseases'. One grows you a pair of animal ears and a tail, one turns you into something else with a trigger like sneezing and one changes your age. Some kept one of them and it's possible to infect it to others accidentally.

It's either time or some sort of a trigger that will change you back, if that's it.

[failgoyle]

...that's...that's...you have got to be kidding me.

[rustyhonesty]

That's the only explanation I have.

You're not the only one who has it at least.

[failgoyle]

So you're saying I caught second adolescence as some kind of disease?!

This is stupid. This is so stupid. I have not ever been exposed to anything more stupid!

[awitchdidit]

Welcome to the most annoying yet useful slate of abilities in the various universes we've encountered.

[failgoyle]

How in the hell could this possibly be useful?!

[awitchdidit]

What you're experiencing is the detrimental side effect of a syndrome that includes the potential for magical powers. Or perhaps the powers are the side effect to the body-warping disease, it's all semantic. What this "X-Pressure Virus" allows you to do is communicate in ways humans normally can't.

[failgoyle]

I've already got magical powers, I don't need any more, and I never asked for this!

[awitchdidit]

Well, I guess you just need to find the complaint box and let the Trumps know you're unhappy with your guest experience!

[failgoyle]

Oh, right, right, like they give a shit.

[awitchdidit]

Precisely. I won't begrudge you some wailing and gnashing of teeth, but perhaps you should look into turning your afflictions to your advantage, seeing as they're unavoidable

[failgoyle]

I have been doing that for years and it is not working.

[awitchdidit]

Maybe less wailing, then?

[failgoyle]

But how else am I supposed to vent? To cope?

[awitchdidit]

Well, my usual method has been killing people and then reviving them with magic none the wiser.

Now that I think it out loud, though, it sounds like a less than productive idea.

[failgoyle]

Wh...that...uh...that's...uh...

WHY ARE YOU KILLING PEOPLE AND HOW ARE YOU BRINGING THEM BACK THAT IS AWFUL ARE YOU CRAZY ARE YOU A FAE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN HOW WOULD YOU EVEN--

[Congrats, Beatrice, you've set him off on a long screaming freakout that will go on for quite some time if he's left to his own devices.]

[awitchdidit]

[Well, this is fun, but it's going to get annoying fast.]

I'm not killing anyone here, it's against the rules.

[amourtician]

[ Honestly, Jay sympathises. But he's not admitting he's had a second puberty, too. ]

Maybe you've started aging in reverse! That'd be interesting. Could be some sort of curse– Mess with any suspicious-looking clocks lately, darling?

[failgoyle]

No, no, no, nooooooo, I already had my aging jacked up going forward, and I haven't even been anywhere that would screw with it like that, and I've never seen anyone age backwards outside of some crap Spring can pull, but that's Spring, and I'm Winter...

[Cue freaked-out rambling, he's just going to continue on in this manner for a bit.]

[amourtician]

Er, darling? Darling, do calm down— People do grow up. I'm sure you'll go back to being your prior age ... ah, eventually.

[failgoyle]

I was never even my right age to begin with! First I'm older, then I'm younger, and I want off this messed up age train!

And what if it keeps going?! What if I'm a toddler tomorrow?

[amourtician]

Er, what? You weren't your right age when we met?

And you know, being a toddler wouldn't be so bad— a lot fewer responsibilities, for one thing.

[failgoyle]

I look a little older than I actually am, but my real age is probably now closer to what it looks like now, and...

...look, bottom line, I am really sick of getting my age messed with. I have no idea how old I am anymore.

[amourtician]

Why is that a bad thing? You can just, ah, pick an age and pretend it's the one for as long as you like.

That and darling, many would kill to look youthful. Look on the bright side here. People pay out the nose for things like wrinkle cream and then there's you!

[failgoyle]

Yeah, then there's me needing acne cream.

[amourtician]

Oh come on, darling, it can't be that bad!

... and anyway, tea tree oil works better than anything an apothecary might sell.

[failgoyle]

...that is good to know, now if I could find some of that, I'd be set.

Because it is that bad, I had a terrible complexion when I was...fifteen? Sixteen? However old I am now.

[amourtician]

Tea trees are quite common. You'll be fine.

And, er. Condolences.

[ Said as someone who had a remarkably photogenic puberty. ]

[failgoyle]

Ah, thanks, thanks...guess I'll go look for one of those trees now...