I see dead people

[biiowiired]

Greetings, aliens. I'm the Ψiioniic. You can call me Psii, but don't get cocky. [[ He immediately proceeds to get cocky. ]] Considering all the disturbing-as-fuck things I've heard on this Network since I got here, I have a proposition for you. Let's talk about dying.

First, no one's going to die in the immediate future. I think. Say, the next few nights? Second, I'm here to offer my... services... as a... clairvoyant. [[ A couple seconds' pause. ]] I have visions of future deaths. I can warn you or your quadrantmates about them. No, you can't prevent the hideous or embarrassing ways in which you will die. But you can do yourselves a favor and get your shit in order. I accept payment in food, electronic parts, and lessons on how to... make stuff out of thin air? That's a thing here apparently.

If the next Jaunt's as dangerous as you all say, it's going to be a bloodbath. Try not to die in stupid ways. I have to watch that shit.

Comments

[cawfullyironic]

Dude, have you actually tried? I can't peek forwards for fuckall.

[biiowiired]

I don't need to try. It just kind of happens. Real big pain in the ass. Though I am under the impression that either things are weirdly peaceful around here, or I'm in another metaphysical plane entirely and my visions may do jack shit. Won't know for sure until someone snuffs it. And before you ask, I'm not volunteering.

[cawfullyironic]

Okay, so I got like this weird ass time vision since my shit got all rewired and I'm supposed to be able to see forwards through unlimited timelines cuz apparently I'm a god now, but everytime I try I end up in space.

Only instead of stars its cubes.

I'm not the only one who's got their shit on lockdown so your visions might turn into a bowl of alphabet soup or someshit at this point, who the fuck knows anymore.

[biiowiired]

They can already get vague and jumbled, so not much different from the usual. Was it cubes like... pixel cubes?

[cawfullyironic]

I dunno. It was like a sea of blank white cubes floating in an immeasurable void of unhealthy insouciance that stretched on to infinity. Though I'd bet money that it doesn't actually and just loops back on itself like some ill begotten moebius strip of perpetual assetry.

Honestly, didn't hang out that long the couple times I ended up there.

[biiowiired]

I'd bet on the moebius strip, too. Nature and metaphysics are lazy, so why make an infinite linear space when you can make an infinite loop? Give yourself a reacharound again and again. Programming basics.

[cawfullyironic]

Liminal space works that way. Took an accidental tour once on a sports ball it was fucking stupid. It's like some plebes in their parent's basement trying to code some clunky as fuck indygame but spent so much time jacking off to Slenderman to actually figure out worldbuilding.

oh god

[biiowiired]

What's a parent?

now you done it

[cawfullyironic]

-=he doesn't even skip a beat=-

People who squirt crotch goblins out through their genitalia.

there's no going back

[biiowiired]

Of the same species like live offspring, or a different parasitic one? The public needs to know. I'm not going to come down with a case of parasitic crotch goblins if I can help it.

[cawfullyironic]

Who says they can't be fuckin. Bro, those things latch onto whatever soft and danglies you got and proceeded to try to suck the shit out of you, leaving you a withered up dry husk of a dude.

[biiowiired]

And no one thought to post a notice about this epidemic of crotch goblins? [[ he asks dubiously. ]]

[cawfullyironic]

Oh it got noticed alright, like a horses dick by some adventurous dude's unfortunately now perforated intestinal tract. There's a whole business built around the care and management of the little shits.

[biiowiired]

Business? So, somehow it's profitable? Is there more to crotch goblins that meets the eye? [[ Still dubious. ]]