Private, Psychic Protection II

[neverfeltthatway]

Who: Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Alcuin, Thorne
What: Armin instinctively reaching out to those he's closest to as his mind begins to awaken and reform
Where: The telepathic network
When: Sometime during the 24 hours after his death
Warnings: Many. Death, madness, possible talk of torture

For an eternity, there is nothing. No light or dark, no space or matter, no life or death. Nothing but the formless void. He barely knows he exists, much less who or what or where he is.

Time passes.

Then there are flashes, as disjointed memories begin to return. Only memories... but right now that are everything, all he is and all he knows. Fear. Pain. Betrayal. Madness.

The Crawling Chaos.

As his mind begins to coalesce, panic sets in, once he remembers what panic is. Where is he? What is he? Is he truly alone? He doesn't know. He only knows he should be afraid.

More flashes. Space, and light, and form, and feeling. Needles, maggots, crawling, blood. His mind writhes. A face, somehow familiar, beloved - twisted in hatred, slashing at him with a meat cleaver, trying to kill him.

What is hate? What is love?

More faces, striping his nails from his fingers, digging his eyes out with their hands. Insects under his skin.

Identity forms. He is Armin. The faces are his friends. They were never his friends. Footsteps. What are friends? The concept is beyond him.

He reaches for something, for someone, now knowing who, not knowing how. He needs. No. There's something he needs to do. He needs to... to... to warn. Warn of what? What does he need?

It's too late to figure out - he grasps whoever or whatever he was trying to reach.

"Hello? I... I... Where are you? What am I?"

Comments

[thornsofmalkav]

[Armin won't be able to hear all the emotions in her psychic voice that he might usually, but the italics will at least give him some idea of how well Thorne is taking this.]

Of all the idiotic, reckless men in my life, you are the absolute worst, Armin Arlert.

[neverfeltthatway]

Armin... Arlert. I am Armin. Armin. [A little larger, a little more certain.]

...What is Armin? What... what am I?

[thornsofmalkav]

You're a boy. A young man. A very clever young man who's also a reckless, ruthless idiot.

Shit. Malik said Bern ate you.

[neverfeltthatway]

Clever... idiot. I don't...

...Ate... me...?

[thornsofmalkav]

He told me and Alcuin that Bernkastel ate you. Inhaled you? Huffed you like a puppy. We weren't sure if you were going to come back.

Where are you?

[neverfeltthatway]

What is Bernkastel? I... yes. Ate. Pain. Nails through my hands. Images in my head.

I... I am not. I am nowhere.

[thornsofmalkav]

A witch. Not the nice kind or a good kind.

God. Are you just a-- a disembodied mind on the network, then? Is that what she did to you?

Fuck.

[callyourname]

[She is such a huge mess of complicated emotions right now. Relief, love, sadness, worry, regret from failing to protect him again, wanting to apologize for it even though then they both would be dead and what if only one of the three of them was left alive to suffer it all alone... and so many more and words are even more difficult than usual right now but she has to say ... .... something.]

Hello. ... ... I am in your mind, it's called telepathy and it lets us connect like this even while we can't see or speak. I don't ----- know what you are right now or where you are right now but maybe we can figure it out together.

[neverfeltthatway]

...What... What is together?

[callyourname]

.... ... it's... the opposite of -- I mean -- something completely different than being alone, Armin. ...you, Eren, me and Jean too these days, we're always together somehow.

[neverfeltthatway]

You... Eren... Jean... I. I think I would like... together.

This place... alone.

[callyourname]

... We'll get you back home and then we'll all be together again.

Before that.... we can keep talking like this.

[neverfeltthatway]

This is... talking?

[willyousee]

---!!

[willyousee]

Armin?! Armin, you're--? Armin, oh gods, I'm here, I'm here, Armin. Where are you? I swear to you, I will find you, but you have to help me.

[neverfeltthatway]

Armin. Ar - I am Armin?

[willyousee]

....... I. Yes. Armin Arlert. Do you...? Do you know me?

[neverfeltthatway]

You... Alcuin? A friend. What is a friend?

I remember... I remember needles. Needles in the food. Was that... real? Was that the Chaos?

[willyousee]

That's right. I am Alcuin; I am, I am your friend, I promise you. I care for you and I want to bring you, bring you back. To where you can be safe, and warm, and loved.

I... I don't know of anyone feeding you needles, Armin. Can you tell me where you are? Please... I want to help you.

[bite_the_hand]

"...Armin?"

When Eren first feels the psychic connection he physically jumps in surprise, but that doesn't stop him from instantly and reflexively reaching out for his friend with both heart and mind. Yet when he does he finds the Bond still feels like Armin is gone, his absence a raw and aching wound in Eren's heart. So why does reaching back to him through the Network seem to work? For a brief moment Eren wonders if the madness of this place has finally gotten to him too. Is he only hallucinating that his friend is there? A phantom created from exhaustion and heartbreak? But that doubt only lasts for a second before shock changes to relief. The connection is definitely there - this is real!

"ARMIN! Armin, I'm here! I thought... I thought we'd lost you forever! You're-"

His relief becomes mixed with overwhelming worry as he registers what Armin had asked. Why... Why does Armin need to ask what he is? Worse still, Eren realizes he can't actually answer that question right now. Not without knowing why his friend needs to ask that it in the first place. Is he a ghost? Disoriented enough to be confused about the phantom pain the corruption left him with? ...Whatever the case, they'll figure it out together. Starting with the one answer to that question that will never change:

"You're my best friend."

[neverfeltthatway]

He feels a vague sense of relief at getting an answer at all - but he's still not sure who it is. A presence comes to mind, but no face or name - and that presence is associated with pain and terror, as well as care and intimacy. He can't tell which set of feelings is real.

"What... What is a friend?"

[bite_the_hand]

"You don't remember-!?"

Eren falls silent instead of finishing the question. There are valid reasons for Armin to be confused about what he is, as disturbing as that might be. But this... This is oh so much worse. What has happened to Armin, that he doesn't even remember what that word means!? It takes a few seconds for Eren to regain his composure, but he does at least manage to pull himself together enough that he can think clearly. Because what other choice does he have? He must stay calm, for Armin's sake. He must.

"...Friends are people that care about each other and want to stay close to each other. They're people you want to keep safe, even if you have to put yourself in danger to do it. People who want to keep you safe too and would risk themselves for you. They're..." He trails off, struggling to find the words to describe the feelings he associates with the meaning. "They... Friends are the people you dream with."

[neverfeltthatway]

For nearly a minute, nothing comes back over the network. It's so hard to think, so hard to parse the little that Eren has said. But one thing he said resonates with something inside him, and finally...

"Dream... Like the ocean...?"

He's not even entirely sure what the ocean is. But it sounds right to him.

[bite_the_hand]

That minute seems more like an eternity as Eren waits for a response. He tries to be patient, to give his friend time to think, but it's so damned hard for him to just wait while he fears his friend will fade away. What if an answer never comes? What if Armin slips away from him, never to be found again? Eren's on the verge of begging his friend for an answer, any answer, when at last more words come.

Words that prove no matter how badly Armin's mind has been torn apart, all hope is not yet lost.

"YES! Just like the ocean we dreamed about together when we were kids! Do you remember? You taught me about the outside world you'd read about in your book! You taught me how to look towards the future and fight for our freedom!"

[neverfeltthatway]

"I... I remember the words. That we dreamed. Outside. The Ocean. But I don't, I can't... I don't know what they mean."