The Fate of Koschei?

[awitchdidit]

[Suddenly, a wild little blonde girl in a frilly dress appears on the Network. Her apparent age is much less than usual, but the hairdo and the expression pretty much immediately give away the fact that it's Beatrice the Golden.]

Ahaha, of course I finally work out how to project my image when I'm forced into a weird shape. Tragically, the pop-cute-little-girl Witch routine is trademarked in my universe and I have no intention of mocking that one where her friend can see me. I'll need to work out a medium between that and Bernkastel's permanent deadpan...

[She shakes her head.]

Anyway, more importantly, those of you who Investigated in the Low Countries this past month: I noticed that you were ahead of the Infiltrators in figuring out the identity of that "artifact" we were guarding and its association with a famous sorcerer. Do we still need to deal with that? I know you stole the real article and now recall significantly more occult rituals than the smuggler I was playing in the Walkabout itself, if you need a hand.

Comments

[awondrousplace]

While I was not on that particular excursion, if you have need of assistance dealing with Artifacts with connections to various people, Beatrice, I can certainly lend assistance.

That is precisely what I do at home.

[awitchdidit]

Well, I don't have it in my possession, but I'll recommend you to the people who took it, if it's still in Liminal Space.

Regardless, we should sit down and I can complain to you about Arthur Conan Doyle's idiotic royal progeny and the demon they put in charge of Britain some more.

[awondrousplace]

Oh, bloody hell. I knew some of it from when I was there, like how the dear male version of me got eaten by that beast, however, if there is more... it must be one fascinating story.

[There is a distinct sigh over the network.]

I might need something slightly stronger in my tea for that one. Any particular favorites that I can bring from Naoki's stash?

[awitchdidit]

Absinthe is my usual drink, but anything that's not a European beer would be fantastic right now.

[breakaleginhalf]

Most of the working out was Raidou, honestly. [Working out the fears of the external layers of Koschei's soul did a fat lot of nothing to help.]

But that might be a good idea, honestly. I dunno about the others but I've got no fucking idea what to do with it, besides just, like- bust it open and kill the shit inside. Which feels kind of just stupid and straightforward, but also I stopped giving a shit like three weeks ago.

[awitchdidit]

Eliminating the outer layers of defense shouldn't be a problem. A sealed room and a magic circle should suffice to make duck and rabbit hunting easy, and Magician's Aura should prevent any comedies of errors or timing.

The question is what we do with the egg or the needle...or what we even can do now that we're back in Liminal Space.

[breakaleginhalf]

Yeah, like- hell, I can probably just rip the thing off its hinges, that won't be hard at all.

I feel like the answer to that question is just fucking 'give it the good old Traveller try'. And pray that fire isn't the right solution this time.

[awitchdidit]

If nothing else, it shouldn't require that level of violence or ritual. Even in the worst case, what we're looking for is a needle.

[breakaleginhalf]

You got a giant magnet stashed somewhere I don't know about? Or should I just be glad I don't have piercings?

[awitchdidit]

Ahaha, that would be interesting! I don't know how magnets work, though, so I'm not sure I could replicate one. I just mean it should be easy to break.

[breakaleginhalf]

Okay, real-talk? I'm from the year 2017 and we still don't know how magnets work properly. I studied applied physics for like five years, there are chapters dedicated to this shit and I do not know how magnets work.

[awitchdidit]

Perhaps they're a miracle, then?

[breakaleginhalf]

Hah. I bet you'd love that, huh.

It's bullshit is what it is. But if you wrap that up in fancy whimsical thinking, that's basically what a miracle is, right?

[awitchdidit]

Well, if you take any sense of wonder or enjoyment out of a miracle, I suppose you would think it was bullshit, so by that property, sure.

[breakaleginhalf]

Back home there was only one kind of creature that could cause straight up miracles, so forgive me for being a little less flexible on the topic. They weren't nice.

[There weren't many other words to describe just how potent and impossible the Fair Folk's magic was.]

[awitchdidit]

Hm.

[This is a dangerous position. She sees a metaphorical opening to the conversational jugular here, and a year or two ago she'd have taken it on instinct. Since then, though, she's realized there are some people you don't antagonize...or make a target of yourself for. Not when you're busy planning to engage an evil sorcerer together.]

Ahaha, Gil, it's a joke from the 21st century, isn't it? Magnets, Niagara Falls, the pyramids, fucking rainbows? Or did Thorne lie to me about everyone finding that song as amusing as I did?

[breakaleginhalf]

[...okay yes Gil is still very overly wound up. If Beatrice is willing to back down on that, he can be a big boy and do it too.

Because Beato has provided an excellent distraction right there]

Wait, did Thorne actually show you fucking Insane Clown Posse.

[thornsofmalkav]

Look, it was important for her education as a troll.

Small-T troll.

[breakaleginhalf]

You're doing God's work. Or one of theirs, at least. Maybe Loki.

[thornsofmalkav]

I met him in a dungeon once. He was a real dick. Also a brunette. I always figured he'd be a redhead.

[awitchdidit]

Traditionally, Thor is the redhead, isn't he?

[thornsofmalkav]

... they can both be redheads.

[breakaleginhalf]

I'm just imagining Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston with bright ginger wigs now, for the record.

[thornsofmalkav]

No, Gil, the Loki I met looked exactly like Tom Hiddleston.

[breakaleginhalf]

[There is a brief burst of abrupt, delighted laughter.]

Oh my fucking god that is amazing.

[thornsofmalkav]

I know, right?

[helborn]

Loki can be whatever he wants, he's a shapeshifter.

He can even be a female horse.

I have a horse uncle, Thorne.

[thornsofmalkav]

Oh my god, right. Fucking Sleipnir.

[helborn]

My family tree is so weird, Thorne.

[thornsofmalkav]

You're a fucking demigod. Of course it is.