[Video]// filtered from Rose

[neverfeltthatway]

I have a list of people who have gone out of ambit.

It's a long list this time - I didn't manage to get one before the last jaunt, with so many people appearing and disappearing so quickly, so this is going back a few months. And it won't include the names of people who were only here last liminal, because I definitely didn't meet all of them.

Jean Otus, Ringabel, Pod, Sabetha, Madoka, Beatrice Portinari, Inigo, Captain Marvelous, Shinji Ikari, Dru'sil, Kinji, Yakumo, Thace, Utsusemimaru, Nero, Kazuma, Imriel, Drake, Taleenya, Battler, Keith, Xena, Sakuya, Dakki, Chie, Bakura, Kitty. And - a-and Alcuin.

[He can't quite keep a straight face when he says Alcuin's name, even though he'd had time to prepare - in fact, he barely managed to say it at all. The grief was just too much.]

...I'm sorry.

Comments

[canbebrave]

You shouldn't have to do this every time. Everyone else could chime in, once in a while. [She's not really annoyed about that, but what is talking about feelings?]

[thornsofmalkav]

He doesn't have to, Sansa. Nobody's making him. It's just... something he's decided he wants to do.

[Thorne's mental voice sounds tired and a little strained.]

[canbebrave]

It isn’t fair that it’s always him. Someone else ought to volunteer. [...Not Thorne though, not now.]

It’s a cruelty. This place is cruel. ...I’m sorry.

[neverfeltthatway]

If someone else wants to step in, I wouldn't stop them. But I won't ask anyone to do it, either.

[canbebrave]

[She’s quiet— if she focuses on the injustice that Armin does this alone, every time, it’s easier to ignore the ache in her chest from the absence of Chie and Alcuin.]

I’ll help you with it, next time.

[neverfeltthatway]

...All right.

[He suspects the reason, but doesn't say anything.]

[canbebrave]

You needn’t carry such a burden on your own. I’ve been looking for ways to help travelers more, regardless.

[neverfeltthatway]

I - thank you. I, I do appreciate it.

[If it's more formal than he might normally be with her, it's because they're on the network, and he too is trying not to think about Alcuin's absence.]

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[canbebrave]

[Regardless of the reason for the formality, she doesn’t enjoy it. From him, it’s always strange, though a little sweet that he tries. So she leaves Lady to continue to chase and torment the poor liminal rabbits, and makes her way back to his— their room. She doesn’t knock, just slips into the room and shuts the door behind her, features arranged into a polite neutrality.]

I’m sorry. I didn’t.... notice. [She’d have come sooner, if she had. They both loved Alcuin dearly, but Sansa’s blow had been softened by Ser Joscelin’s continued presence as a Traveler. Armin however, she worries for. She doesn’t know if he can bear the loss.]

[neverfeltthatway]

[Armin is sitting on the bed, not wearing but curled up in the cloak she made for him. He has a faraway look in his eyes, and takes a moment to notice when she slips into the room - though if his attention is focused on the network, or he's simply reacting to grief is hard to tell.]

...It's not your fault. It would have taken me longer to notice too, if not for the network.

[His voice is almost bland, and a little distant, uncolored by the emotion he's sure to be feeling.]

[canbebrave]

[Sansa purses her lips as she watches him, allowing her displeasure to show— though it isn’t displeasure with him, just at the entire jumble of things. The jaunt has been confusing enough in itself, being multiple people at once— she wastes no time in crossing the room when he speaks. She perches on the side of the bed beside him, smoothing over her skirts.]

Still. [She reaches over and gently lays her hand upon the cloak, a tiny smile creeping across her mouth] ... Is there anything else I might add to that, for you? Or perhaps I can make you something new?

[neverfeltthatway]

[The faraway look recedes as she startles him with the offer, shaking his head.] No, I... it's already perfect, thank you.

...I'm not sure what else I need, to be honest. I won't object if you want to make something, but it isn't necessary. [His first instinct had been to decline, but he knows her well enough to know she might feel better if she's working on something, and he doesn't want to deny her if that's the case.]

[canbebrave]

I'll think of something, I'm sure. [She isn't sure what-- but he's right, her hands are aching for busywork to distract herself with. And it feels meaningless to just endlessly embroider her own gowns. And more than that, she wants to be useful to him.

She waits patiently, not wanting to bother him while he is busy with the network-- but once she's waited a few moments, she sits closer, her hand drifting from the cloak to his hand.]

...I'm just pleased you seem to enjoy it so much.

[rustyhonesty]

Thank you, Armin.

[It's something that isn't said often, but it's a tough job Armin's volunteered for. Something many of them couldn't stomach to do.]

[neverfeltthatway]

...Of course.

[Not that there's really any 'of course' about it, but he really doesn't know how else to respond to being thanked for it.]

[rustyhonesty]

Want to help me later with providing me image projections? I want to update the Gallery.

[neverfeltthatway]

I... all right.

[In other words, not really - in the same way he doesn't really want to provide the list, but still believes someone should.]

[rustyhonesty]

Just... tell me 'no' if you don't want to. I don't want to make you do something you don't want to.

[neverfeltthatway]

It's okay. Just... just not right away.

[rustyhonesty]

Yeah, of course not. It's not like I feel like painting right now anyway.

But seriously, you don't need to.

[neverfeltthatway]

It's no worse than this already is. Just... just a little depressing.

There will be times I won't be feeling it as keenly.

[rustyhonesty]

It is, but... for me it's a way to cope I guess. Painting them. Memorizing what they look like. So I won't forget.

[There's no way he'd forget some of the faces, but... there was no 'no way' while Traveling. He could just forget.]

[neverfeltthatway]

I - I kinda figured. And it, it's good to have a record. One that can't just be erased.

['Just forgetting' has been on Armin's mind, too, since he's actually gone through it.]

[rustyhonesty]

[The problem is, even paintings could disappear, but he's not gonna make this even sadder by saying that.]

Mmh. It's the reason the place exists.

[neverfeltthatway]

Of course.

[He takes a slow breath, keeping his voice steady and even.]