in which byerly attempts to clear someone's name (who isn't even a traveler)

[bypartisan]

May I please have your attention? Well, those of you who were with us in Sarmatia, at any rate.

I would like to state for the record that--no matter what Ivan may have told any of you in Sarmatia--Lady Alys Vorpatril is not the sort of woman to force her son to seek employment with supernatural creatures against his will and inclination. This isn't even a case of another world's Lady Alys acting at odds with the one I know--I know for a fact that Ivan was Investigating--he called me Byerly and not Borya for goodness sake.

I will admit that Ivan's mother can be a little pushy at times. But not to the extent that Ivan was portraying her. And honestly, better a pushy mother than one who doesn't acknowledge you're even alive.

[Not that Byerly would have any knowledge of such things. Really.]

Comments

[ivanyouidiot]

...Why are we talking about this? It really doesn't matter.

[bypartisan]

Because I happen to like your mother and you were giving everyone an entirely wrong impression of her.

[ivanyouidiot]

I was giving the impression that I had to think of something that at least sounded halfway decent.

She doesn't exactly need you defending her honor!

[bypartisan]

That didn't even sound a quarter-way decent!

And someone ought to! It's not like Il-- her boyfriend is here to do it!

[ivanyouidiot]

She hardly needs someone else to defend it!

Please please please tell me that you're not trying to call yourself her boyfriend. I don't believe it and I can't believe it.

[Except that it's what his mind leapt to, but still!]

slight spoilers for memory and acc

[bypartisan]

Oh good lord no.

Ivan, your mother is an handsome woman, but she's old enough to be my own mother. And in a five-year-long relationship with a retired ImpSec captain that I would hesitate to cross. We're-- friends, that's all. Friendly acquaintances.

[Coworkers he does not say, because this is Puppy Ivan.]

[darkhourdear]

[Phillip has no idea what's going on here.]

Why would he say something like that about his mom?

[bypartisan]

Because Ivan has not yet grown out of being an idiot.

[darkhourdear]

Is that something you grow out of?

[bypartisan]

Ivan did. It took him until he was, oh, thirty or so. Unfortunately, the Ivan we have now is in his early twenties.

... which means you should by no means tell him that Ivan Story I told you, because it's over a decade away from happening to him.

[darkhourdear]

I'm pretty sure you already told me not to tell him. [Well, the reminder can't hurt, he guesses.]

[bypartisan]

... yes, yes I did. My apologies.

[darkhourdear]

...Can I write about it? [if he, you know. ever stops totally sucking.]

[bypartisan]

Would you be willing to change the names of everyone involved? And let me check over your drafts to make sure nothing that ought to be kept classified accidentally finds its way in?

[darkhourdear]

...Do I know anything classified? [were you telling him classified information byerly?] Um, sure. It'll probably take a while. I kind of suck right now.

[this is said with the dramatic depression you might expect from a teenager on finding out they're not immediately awesome at something.]

[bypartisan]

I'm pretty sure I kept everything classified out of the Ivan Story. There was a reason I only called certain people 'very bad people.' But let me check it over just in case.

Also, everyone stinks when they're thirteen, Philip. It's not just you. You'll just have to keep practicing.

... if I'm ever myself on a Jaunt where there's literature available, I'll buy you some Shakespeare and Wilde to study from.

[darkhourdear]

Are you sure? [he's pretty sure that this is a thing he should just be good at. that's totally how this works, right?]

I've read Shakespeare. [Wilde not so much.]

[bypartisan]

I'm sure. No one's ever immediately good at things like that. I promise.

But no Wilde? You really should. He's probably my favorite Old Earth writer. [Which... really explains just about everything about Byerly Vorrutyer.]

[timelessinventor]

Honestly, darling, I think he's a little young for Oscar's works. Give him a few years.

[bypartisan]

Well, perhaps not Salome but Earnest, surely?

[timelessinventor]

... perhaps. That one is not too bad. To be fair, I haven't read it in over a century.

[darkhourdear]

Ok... [maybe he'll try again. maybe. later. and then not use CE immediately on it.]

Really? Why?

[bypartisan]

They're very funny and very witty and if you're going to write a fictionalized account of my Ivan Story, you'll likely want to be familiar with the concept of the comedy of manners, which was Wilde's particular genre of choice.

[darkhourdear]

[Hm. Well, Phillip does like funny things.] Ok. If I knew more about them I could probably make them, but. [that would likely require reading them.]

[bypartisan]

Then you wouldn't need me to get them for you.

[darkhourdear]

Yeah. I guess not. [well. whatever.]

[ofinspiration]

Honestly, who cares? Do we really all have to hear about your boring parental issues?

[bypartisan]

[He is not dignifying that with an answer.]