synopsychic

As the people's poet Ice Cube once said, more than a quarter century ago, "Fuck the police."

Or, I guess, fuck the secret police. Same principle.

Um. Hi. So. Uh. I'm dead again. My overlay was snooping around the site for the Solomon Ring, she got caught by a Manticore Squire, he took her off for questioning and called in a Knight to help him... and let's just say the interrogation went poorly. I'm pretty sure that's what they're going to say in their report about my death. If they don't just go and erase the tapes to cover it up. Which they might. They're a secret police after all.

Anyway, right before the Knight freaked out and I died, the Knight put his hand on my head and said, and I quote, "Oh god, they're back."

Which, um, is kinda worrying.

Also, uh. I should probably let people know that my overlay's boss, Dr. L, is trying to mess with the Solomon Ring for his own purposes. And, uh, he's hella psychic, if only short-ranged, so he knows there's something up with Investigators, if not exactly what. But he's not hostile to us. A little wary, but not hostile.

Anyway, can people keep an eye out the next couple days to see if my death is at all announced or if there's a cover-up? Hajime, you should be able to tell if anyone from the government goes to Dr. L. He's, like, listed as my overlay's employer on her work visa. Because if I'm not officially dead, I'm going to take advantage of the other Thorne's bank account while I still can and maybe see if I can pretend to be her in other ways until the Jaunt ends.

[Locked to Joscelin]

Alcuin's gone. I tried to psychic message him as soon as I woke up here.

He's not on a walkabout or anything. He was here on the Jaunt. I met him. He called himself Alan and... I guess it doesn't matter.

He's been really fucked up since-- since Delaunay vanished. And he and Leo were fighting again. And maybe Malik too?

He's probably in a dungeon now. If I hadn't been Infiltrating...

[Locked to Leonardo]

Querido, do you mind coming to see me for a little while? I could use some company. [And the comfort of eating straight from the tap as it were.]

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I suspect that mine is a slightly higher tolerance than most, if only because of experience and training.

[WOAH. WAIT. HOLD UP.]

Alcuin is gone?

I tried psychic messaging him as soon as I was back in Liminal and you know how it is when you're trying to psychic message a person but you can't because they're not there anymore?

It was like that.

And I know he didn't get sent on a walkabout because he was here the first day of Jaunt. He thought he was an Investigator at first and then we had this weird-ass sort of flirty conversation that looking back on it... was probably him breaking his heart repeatedly.

I'm not sure how to tell Leo. If he hasn't figured out yet.

No. I do not know. I do not tend to go looking for people who seem to not want me around.

We cannot do anything right now, if he is somewhere he will show up again or we will find a portal to his dungeon and all of you will pile in to drag him out.

With Alcuin you kind of have to go looking, because otherwise he will try to hide forever when he feels like shit.

I am going to be looking for his dungeon every fucking chance I get until I find it.

...then let him. He is an adult and if he wants to hide from everything than that is his choice, as is returning to the company of those waiting for him.

I am not going to force my presence on anyone, Thorne. I do not enjoy knowing that I am only tolerated out of politeness. It is why I do not live in the Workshop, enough people do not like me that it is easier to simply have my own quarters.

I can't do that to him. I couldn't when we were in that dumb hypercube and I can't now.

I somehow doubt you are going to like my response to that.

You probably think that was dumb of me. I get it.

No, not dumb.

Misguided.

You are not his mother, Thorne. He is what... twenty? He does not need his hand held through every little disaster that happens here. You want to help and that is good, but sometimes...

Sometimes, running away from a problem does not make it go away. Ignoring something in favor of other distractions only makes whatever it is fester and rot inside you.

Sometimes we have to examine ourselves without someone there to do it for us.

I know I'm not his mother. I don't want to be his mother. But fuck it, Malik, the most important person in his life--the guy that saved him from fucking Vikings when he was six and saw that he got all kinds of opportunities that some poor bastard mountain kid would never have got--that guy got pulled here when Jules broke liminal and vanished before we'd even made it to the next Jaunt, so yeah, I was going to check on him. Yeah, I was going to not let him chase me away just because he doesn't like people seeing that he's human and has feelings other than perfect serenity and automatic flirtation.

He has people besides that man in his life now, people like Leonardo and you and everyone else here who would bend over backwards and break their spines to help him.

But if he refuses to help himself then nothing can change, and until he realizes that his misery is his own doing that cannot happen.

But, like, to do that he'd have to admit he's fucked up to us and he won't do that. He can't. God, I wish he had stopped trying to pretend he was so goddamn perfect.

I wish...

Ugh. I don't know. And I know you think I'm being stupid about him. Maybe I am. But I was honestly scared at one point he'd do serious harm to himself because of not sleeping or eating.

If wishes were horses, everyone would be breeding warhorses.

[Which is probably a bit different way of saying it than she's used to.]

He sort of induces stupidity about him I think, if only because he creates an orbit of people who care more about him than he does himself.

[Yeah...]

That's really not hard.

[Why won't you let me help you?]

Edited 2016-07-29 09:36 (UTC)

welp

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