Not everyone is cut out for show business

[failgoyle]

[Big surprise, Jules is yelling again. He's sensory livestreaming the opera, only the angle suggests that he's actually on stage. Any visible parts of his body look like stone, and he's clearly staying very, very still.]

This is the worst! They think I'm a prop, and now I'm stuck!

This is terrible! Absolutely terrible! Now I've got to sit here and watch this with a bunch of people watching me!

[The livestreaming of the opera will continue until someone yells at him sufficiently.]

Comments

[lunchleader]

But you got the best seat in the house!

And could you at least keep it down? I'm trying to listen to what they're trying to sing about.

[failgoyle]

But I don't want the best seatvin in the house! I'm staring at their backs anyway!

[ninjayeehaw]

As long as y'all don't start singin' too, I don't think they'll pay you mind. Everyone there's watching the opera, not you.

[failgoyle]

Look, if I sneeze or something, they'll definitely notice. No one expects the statuary to move.

[ninjayeehaw]

Y'all any good at improv?

[failgoyle]

...I don't think they're gonna like it if I bust out into a stand-up routine.

[ninjayeehaw]

Fair enough.

[Sorry Jules, but the fact of you livestreaming is a lot more interesting than your actual predicament.]

...so how are y'all doin' this anyhow?

[failgoyle]

I picked up a stone form in Newport, and I've always been really good at staying very, very still.

[ninjayeehaw]

Naw, I mean the live feed. Another skill thing?

[failgoyle]

Oh, yeah. Concentrate hard enough and you can send over what you're seeing and hearing and stuff.

[ninjayeehaw]

Huh. Gotta see if I can't do that myself later.

[failgoyle]

It's not that hard, once you put your mind to it.

[comebewe]

Jules. What the bloody hell are you doing?

[failgoyle]

I was trying to get information at the opera! But I got surprised and froze with the props, and now I'm stuck after they mistook me for scenery!

[comebewe]

Information on what?

[failgoyle]

...I dunno, I thought I'd know if anything looked important.

[comebewe]

...Jules, you are a complete twit.

[failgoyle]

I'm trying over here!

[comebewe]

Try less, then!

[Where is the nearest wall. he needs to go back his head against it. repeatedly.]

But he sighs, and tries to actually impart some sense into Jules's goddamn head]

Look. If you're going to wonder around in places you're not supposed to be, you should at least have some reason to think that you might actually find something. If you don't, you're just putting yourself at risk for no reason.

[failgoyle]

But everyone was making a big deal about the opera! I thought it could be important!

[comebewe]

They were probably making a big deal because they like opera.

[failgoyle]

But no one likes opera, everyone just drags themselves to go see it so everyone else thinks they're cultured and crap!

[comebewe]

There are...some people who like opera.

[Matthew's teacher was one of them. But Matthew's not exactly keen to talk about his teacher, so let's not mention that, shall we?]

And even if they are just dragging them along for appearances, then they're probably making a big deal so that it's easier for other people to see how 'cultured and crap' they are. It's not a bloody conspiracy.

[failgoyle]

Well, some people have questionable taste.

And there are so many other conspiracies around here, we have to look into all of them!

[comebewe]

What, like the masked man who lives under the opera house and pretends to be a ghost?

[and surely, Jules, not even you are stupid enough to not recognise this sarcastic reference. Surely]

[failgoyle]

He would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

[Jules is very cultured and never fails when it comes to picking out references, truly.]

[naturaltwohands]

... How did you even manage such a thing?

[failgoyle]

I'm really good at staying very still.

[naturaltwohands]

[A bit of an apologetic chuckle.]

You very well must be. How long can you hold it?

[It's asked with genuine concern. Drizzt does not know the full extent of Jules's abilities, and he could quite well still expose himself.]

[failgoyle]

Probably a couple of days, if I have to.

[naturaltwohands]

[Drizzt sounds impressed.]

That is quite a long time.

[failgoyle]

I'm not good at much, but what I'm good at? I'm really good at.

[naturaltwohands]

[A laugh.]

I can only agree. It not only require strength in ability, but a strong sense of patience, the second of which I do not have.

[wickedestwitch]

I am not swooping in to get you.

[failgoyle]

You're sure? I'm a very charming statue despite what those jackass prop guys said.

[awondrousplace]

Oh, bollocks, it is not even a good opera. My apologies.

Although, could you perhaps refrain from the video of the occasion, please? There are those of us who are trying to do things.

[failgoyle]

Aw, come on, I thought we could play Mystery Science Theater.

[awondrousplace]

Mystery what? Oh! Is that the show where the silhouettes of people make light of terrible science fiction movies? Well that could be entertaining, I must say.

Some of my successors in the genre were... quite terrible authors.

[failgoyle]

Yes, yes, that's exactly it!

...wait, what, successors?

[awondrousplace]

Well, when one is the founder of a major fictional genre, one does tend to have successors.

I don't believe I've ever introduced myself, darling. Helena Grace Wells.

[failgoyle]

H...G...bwuh...

[Give him a minute...]

[awondrousplace]

[Mental giggling.]

I do so enjoy meeting fans.

[failgoyle]

I thought you were supposed to be a dude!

English class has lied to me!

[awondrousplace]

Ah. The man you knew as me was likely my brother Charles. I provided the ideas, he provided the mustache.

History was not kind to me. Then again, seeing all the different worlds where I do not exist, I might be the anomaly myself.

[failgoyle]

...okay, but a mustache shouldn't be so important it just...overshadows everything else...

[awondrousplace]

Never underestimate the power of facial hair, darling. Intimidating facial hair was all the rage in my original time.

I am certainly not feeling the loss in the modern era.

[failgoyle]

I could only grow a little fuzz at my best, if that makes you feel any better. It's overrated.