I see dead people

[biiowiired]

Greetings, aliens. I'm the Ψiioniic. You can call me Psii, but don't get cocky. [[ He immediately proceeds to get cocky. ]] Considering all the disturbing-as-fuck things I've heard on this Network since I got here, I have a proposition for you. Let's talk about dying.

First, no one's going to die in the immediate future. I think. Say, the next few nights? Second, I'm here to offer my... services... as a... clairvoyant. [[ A couple seconds' pause. ]] I have visions of future deaths. I can warn you or your quadrantmates about them. No, you can't prevent the hideous or embarrassing ways in which you will die. But you can do yourselves a favor and get your shit in order. I accept payment in food, electronic parts, and lessons on how to... make stuff out of thin air? That's a thing here apparently.

If the next Jaunt's as dangerous as you all say, it's going to be a bloodbath. Try not to die in stupid ways. I have to watch that shit.

Comments

[biiowiired]

After. I'm not a chump who can't fend for himself. It's just nice not having to worry about my next meal.

Kind of gives you an incentive not to die in stupid ways, doesn't it? If you die, you have to buy me dinner.

[highnoonsomewhere]

Well, hell, we're all gonna die some day. That means you get yourself a lot of free grub. [There's an amused tone to his voice though.] But I'll take you up on that offer - gotta admit I'm mighty curious about how I might go.

[biiowiired]

Yeah, but I don't expect to know you for quite that long, and most deaths are unnatural. At least, they are back home.

[highnoonsomewhere]

I don't know about here, since no one dies permanently, but where I'm from dyin' by violence or misadventure ain't exactly usual, unless you're from some place involved in a war. Where're you from, darlin'?

[biiowiired]

A planet called Alternia, though you may be more familiar with what comes from it, if you've ever been conquered by us trolls. Armed swarms are our biggest export. Um, sorry about that. If it makes you feel better, we're currently jacked deep in a large rebellion.

[[ He neglects to mention that his best friend had started said rebellion. ]]

[highnoonsomewhere]

Can't say our planet's ever been conquered by anyone. Hell, we ain't never even had no alien contact, far as I know, though I guess that could be bein' kept all hush-hush. Troll, huh? Like ... the big fellas with the long arms and big teeth and all that? Live under bridges?

[biiowiired]

Holy shit, what backwater planet do you live on? No contact at all? I mean, obviously you've never had contact from us. You'd definitely notice if we'd had contact. And we don't all have long arms and live under bridges, so you must be thinking of something else.