[Video]

[neverfeltthatway]

I have the list of Travelers who have gone out of ambit.

Broly, Artemis, Anakin, Yosuke, Rosalie, Natasha, Shuu, Reimu, Ako, Xena, Rorshach, River, Sabetha, Jun, Neeshka, and Leonardo.

[He's quiet for a bit, giving people a moment to process and respecting their grief, before turning to other matters.]

In preparation for Harrogate, I am able to teach eldritch defense, memory restoration, or psychic protection.

I also think we should have a discussion about who wants to have someone use memory restoration on them, who is fine with it either way, and who would prefer to not have it used on them. For Harrogate specifically, but also for Traveling in general.

EDIT: If you'd like to be restored to your usual self, let us know if you have memory restoration yourself, even if you aren't up for teaching it. If we focus on restoring people with the ability to restore others first, we'll have that many more investigators in the jaunt.

Comments

[neverfeltthatway]

...If you are able to use memory restoration yourself, I should be able to bring you back to yourself, or have someone else do so. If we spend one use of the ability and gain one, we lose nothing.

[And gain much, though Armin's not going to mention that at the moment.]

[Private, psychic protection ii]

...Would you like some company? [It's fine if he says no. Though to be honest, he's asking almost as much for himself as he is for Alcuin.]

[willyousee]

Prioritize. [That came out sharper than he meant it, and he pauses, reining himself in.] My apologies. There are others who would be better suited. Riddick. Malik. Thorne. Jules. To name only a few.

[Private, Protection 2]
I cannot be guaranteed to be sane or rational when you pull me from my infiltration, Armin. And I know myself well enough that it is likely I would be terrified nigh out of my wits. [A little self-loathing? Maybe. Irritation, certainly.] Fetch the others first.

[Sigh.] I am not very good company at present, though I suppose I could wear a track in your floor just as easily as my own.

[private]// psychic protection ii

[neverfeltthatway]

I will be smart about it, Alcuin. Trust me that much, at least. [He will not return Alcuin to himself expecting anything if his overlay is mad, or at all involved with eldritch doings - and he knows how to look for the signs. But of those Alcuin mentioned, only Riddick has memory restoration. And only Riddick and Thorne would he trust to be more useful than Alcuin, under the circumstances.] I will make the decision that makes sense in the situation. Beyond that, I promised nothing, only sought to reassure you. I'm sorry I failed in that.

If you wish to come over, or if you wish me to do so, I would more than welcome your presence, good company or not. [After all, he expects that 'good company' is a misnomer, and not exactly what either of them are looking for at the moment.]

Re: [private]// psychic protection ii

[willyousee]

[There's an equivalent of a psychic flinch and a long pause before he replies, softer and wearier and more sad.]

I trust you. .....Why is it that I always seem to hurt you.

[private]// psychic protection ii

[neverfeltthatway]

It's all right, Alcuin. I understand.

[His voice is soft and his eyes are serious - he knows how terrified the other is, and doesn't take offense to anything that was said.]

...Come to my room. Please. [They can comfort each other better in person.]

Re: [private]// psychic protection ii

[willyousee]

.......all right.

[action... by which I mean prose]

[willyousee]

It's perhaps ten minutes before there is a soft knock at Armin's door and Alcuin slips inside.

[neverfeltthatway]

Armin stands when Alcuin moves into the room. Without any pause or hesitation, he pulls the man into a tight embrace, not saying anything - and not letting go.

[willyousee]

Alcuin's not quite ready for it and jumps slightly, but almost immediately melts into it and hugs Armin close. He has no words right now. None he is sure are the right ones, or not going to make things worse. So for now he just presses his face into Armin's hair.

[neverfeltthatway]

He doesn't say anything for a long while, just standing there and holding Alcuin close, pressing his face into the man's shoulder. After an eternity, he whispers, breaking the silence.

"I love you."

[willyousee]

A sob hiccups, near silent, in Alcuin's chest, and a hot spot appears on the shoulder of Armin's shirt. "I love you too. So very much. "

[neverfeltthatway]

He slowly backs up a couple steps, ending the embrace but holding tight to Alcuin's hands, moving backwards and leading him over to the bed.

If Alcuin will follow him, he'll lie on the bed and pull Alcuin down on top of him, so he can wrap his arms around his friend again, cradling him against his chest.

[willyousee]

Alcuin follows dutifully, wondering if he looks as dull and lifeless as he feels. Carefully, he arranges himself so that he's not crushing Armin, and tucks his head against the younger man's jaw. After a long moment he sighs.

"I thought I had managed to move past this... this fear. I faced the memories, patched the rifts in my mind. I know everything that happened, everything I did or said... And yet." A small, bitter, hopeless laugh crawls from his throat. "I did not even die like so many. I have no right to be this way."

[neverfeltthatway]

"Death is not the worst fate to befall someone on that jaunt." Quiet and grave, but sure, Armin softly strokes his hand over Alcuin's hair, fingers tangling gently. "And your feelings have nothing to do with rights. You feel this way - that's all. There is no shame and no pride in it, merely fact."

He's quiet for a long moment, just holding him and stroking him, and it seems for a time as if that's all he has to say.

"...Knowing what you face doesn't absolve you of the fear, nor does accepting the past. Do you think I was any less terrified when I faced the titans in my home world? I knew what I faced. I had accepted our situation. Yet I was still frozen with fear when it happened, watching helpless as my comrades were all devoured.

"Do you think I would be any less terrified if I faced them now?

"This doesn't make you weak, Alcuin. Nobody should have to face this."

[willyousee]

The petting helps. It always has, and now is no different. Almost in spite of himself, Alcuin begins to relax and nestles against Armin quietly.

Talk of Titans has him tensing again, however, and he winds his fingers into Armin's shirt, making a soft, helpless sound and turning his face into Armin's chest. "You shouldn't have to go. Can't they just leave you alone? You've been through so much already! You shouldn't have to deal with this as well!"

[neverfeltthatway]

Armin frowns. Go? Go where? He's not sure if Alcuin is talking about his home world or Harrogate, as neither quite seems to fit the context.

"Shhh, love." He continues the petting, slow and firm and steady, the other arm holding him tight against his chest. "I couldn't get left behind, not on this one. Of the Travelers remaining, I probably know the most about eldritch creatures and magic." Which is advantage and vulnerability in equal measure, though he doesn't say that. "If this is anything like we fear, I'll be needed. And..."

He hesitates a moment - not because he's uncertain of what he believes, but because he's uncertain it's what Alcuin needs to hear. "And if you mean my home world... I don't yet know whether I have to go. I won't, if I don't have to." Though he won't hesitate if they need him. "I'd... I'd much rather stay with you."

[willyousee]

That answer startles him. Alcuin looks up, a tiny crease of confusion between his brows. "You... wouldn't go home? What changed? You always said that you had a duty there."