My heart feels heavy

[rustyhonesty]

Korra's gone. Feliciano's gone, too. They... they're not here. Korra's bond is silent and Feli isn't answering any of my calls.

I'm so sorry.

[Jean sounds... not well. Or maybe he sounds more emotionless than he would normal. It's the after effect of Trojan weighting on him but also heavy grief. He feels heavy.]

... and I... converted some of you into Trojans which I... apologize. Matt, Naoya, Shiro, Felih and Gil. I was that Trojan, responsible for your viruses. RAA-7 is not to blame, he had no idea what was going on. I don't know where he got the virus himself, but it likely was with him when we arrived.

... if you need to punch me or talk with me, I'm going to have to ask you to wait. I need some time to just... curl up and feel safe. Feel like myself again. I'll talk through the network, sure, but let me just. Pull myself together.

I'm so sorry.

Comments

[breakaleginhalf]

[This motherfuck was the one who tased and stabbed him, then?

He allows himself a moment's vindication at knowing the person who fucked everyone else up is feeling like shit, but he sure as hell does not let that slip onto the network. Sounds like the guy's taking it hard enough as is.]

I mean, it sounds more like you need a punching bag, dude.

[rustyhonesty]

Yeah, maybe at some point... but I can't blame if anyone wants to punch me just to get back at that particular Trojan.

[breakaleginhalf]

If I punch you as hard as I wanna punch the Trojan, you're gonna have a hole instead of a torso.

But also, I don't wanna punch you. And I don't think anyone else is gonna wanna, either. That wasn't you.

[rustyhonesty]

Yeah, I... I'm aware it wasn't me. It's just hard to feel not responsible.

[breakaleginhalf]

We can definitely try punching the guilt out, if you want.

[rustyhonesty]

If I stil feel like it later, I'll take you up on that offer.

[crouching_sin]

... I do need to punch you, though I should have figured I'd need a firewall function in that kind of place. Still, I won't use the COMP. We don't need you in the Floor.

[canbebrave]

[She’s still annoyed with him— but he sounds like... he sounds awful. She can set aside her own resentments for that.]

No one should hit you for something done while infiltrating. We are not them. [...She needs to reassure herself as much as she needs to reassure him.]

[rustyhonesty]

[If he'd feel better, he'd joke that why did the Trojan need to choose people who could punch him in half. But he doesn't feel like it.]

Alright. I'll let you know when I'm rested enough so we can meet.

[rustyhonesty]

[And Jean's too tired to actually be grumpy at Sansa. Not now. Not likely for a while.]

I know, but I'm closest to offer when they couldn't hit the Trojan back there. Least I can do is offer a way to vent their frustrations.

[canbebrave]

That’s barbaric. And idiotic.


I’m sorry about your friends.

[rustyhonesty]

It's a way to cope. And it's not like it's meant to hurt me badly...

[Even if he'd take that too, but that's what healing spells are for.]


... yeah. I'll miss them a lot.

[canbebrave]

[It’s a bad way to cope, she wants to tell him- but doesn’t. ]

Perhaps they will return. I did.

[unconventionalelf]

Jean...

Jean do you wish to speak to someone?

[ She means in person, but she'll let him open up here if he wants.]

I can go to you if you wish.

[rustyhonesty]

I really hope they will. Plenty of people have returned back and most of them with memories. There's a good chance...

[rustyhonesty]

Right now I have what I need to cope... but thank you... I do want to see you in person later.

[Right now he just needs to focus on Mikasa and her only. That's the best way for him to get through this.]

I just need time to recover. I wasn't stuck with an evil overlay, but... something about it hit close home.

[unconventionalelf]

I understand, and I will be here for you when you wish to speak.

[rustyhonesty]

Thank you, Tal.

Want to tell me about what you did for the Walkabout? At least, I assume you were there.

[canbebrave]

I’ll pray to the Mother for their safe return. [They deserve that much. Her feelings about Jean aside.]

[unconventionalelf]

We were in a cold place of ice and snow. The men in the dark suits were there, as was a man named 'sanda claws'. Or something close. The elves were more like tinker gmomes...

Though I had a lot of fun. And the dancing lights in the sky were beautiful.

[rustyhonesty]

[Praying is still so unknown to him as a concept, but he gets it's important for some.]

... thank you.

[rustyhonesty]

Again with those guys... they weren't the same right?

Dancing lights? The northern lights? Korra sometimes talked about them...

[starshaper]

YOU!

HUG!!!

NOW!!

[unconventionalelf]

They were, but I managed to stay away from them this time. Mostly hid in the woods or stayed sledding. That was fun, we don't use sleds as recreation back home.

Yes, that is what they were called. They were beautiful, I have never seen anything like it before then. There are stories about it further north, but I rarely left the forests.

[rustyhonesty]

Sorry Usagi. As much as I love your hugs can they wait? I promise that you can hug me as much as you want later.