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[Sup Investigators. Have some spazflail in your brains.]

Ogura Sio, reporting!!

There are dragons. They kill people. There's a force that fights them coming from someplace called Flamegard but they lose a third of their people every year because they haven't even got cannons. Can, can we give them cannons? I know we're supposed to blend in b-but - but! What if it's our mission?

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[What are you suggesting? I have never been a freak in my entire life.]

Ah, that is a problem.

Perhaps we should let them have their heroic fight and stay back to---

--Wait, don't dragons usually guard impressive treasures?

[Suddenly cannons don't seem like such a bad idea, after all. ]

[Takes one to know one...]

Um... maybe...? If they really kidnapped the queen like some people say then there's got to be some reward involved like half the kingdom or something...

[ Such a lovely child. He likes the way she thinks!]

Half a kingdom, you said? Oh my, you are right!

[Perhaps being kidnapped by faceless tyrants and sent to another dimension has its perks, after all.]

What we need is a brave warrior to distract the dragon while we...relieve it from its treasure. Maybe even free her Majesty in the process!

[Certainly they could still use the egg strategy, but if treasures and rewards are involved, they have no time to lose! ]

[DAMNIT KEVIN YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE PLAN HERE]

What? The treasure isn't important! Are you even listening?? It's about Jaeger-san getting eaten! Eaten by a big hungry dragon! RAWR! NOM! LIKE THAT!

[See, they started talking about money, so there might be some selective hearing involved. There also may be some teasing at this point, because the young lady makes nice hungry dragon sounds. One can never be sure with Kevin.]

Speaking of which, what makes you so certain the dragon would eat him. Perhaps Mister Jaeger is not to its taste.

[But if he is, he might make an acceptable dragon bait.]

[Alas, Sio is the worst at teasing. And the best at freaking out. It's a good thing Kevin's getting the yelling strictly through psychic means. And is spared the flailing.]

Because he'll be running at it with a sword! A SWORD! That's like saying HERE YOU GO I ALSO GOT YOU A TOOTHPICK!

[Conversely it also means she doesn't have to breath between yells.] This is a serious situation!!

[ Even without flailing, it is still a little painful. ]

Understood. In this case, here is another plan. We do tie Mr. Jaeger, use some of his blood to create a dummy Mr. Jaeger and lure the dragon out of its lair. Dummy Mr. Jaeger might even carry a sword for realism. Then we set the dragon on fire, free Her Majesty and claim the treasure. Later, we untie Mr. Jaeger. He will be as good as new, and happy to have given his blood for a good cause.

[Since this plan involves bondage and setting unholy things on fire, he is totally serious.]

[SERIOUS BUSINESS IS SERIOUS DEAL WITH IT]

A... dummy?

[Wait okay this is actually not a terrible plan. She does imagine that there must be some dragons out there who are specifically interested in eating Eren. It seems a reasonable assumption. There is the one thing, though...]

How do you make a dummy out of blood?

Well, with Mr.Jaeger's help, of course. Though we would certainly not take enough to kill him. That would defeat the purpose of the plan, wouldn't it? All we need is some of his clothes smeared with blood, and perhaps a few strands of his hair too.

[ All those can be acquired without much ado. Besides, making someone bleed is not that hard.]

Edited 2014-06-08 01:02 (UTC)

[Better and better. Did all she have to do to turn the crazy into not crazy was mention the reward? It sure is nice to have such a simple switch, but...]

Y-you're sure the dragon would be fooled by that? I don't really know how smart they are and...

[ Money is always an incentive as long as Kevin is concerned!]

Well, if that fails, the result will be a scorched dummy. Speaking of which, we should warm up the thing before using it as a bait, since lizards are supposed to perceive heat and a cold dummy is a dead dummy.

... you know a lot about baiting dragons.

[Pardon her if she's getting just a wee bit weirded out here.]

[Some say they used to be a thing back in the day.]

Oh, we had to get rid of geckos at young master's manor...once or twice.

T-that's not the same at all!!

[Unless by geckos he actually means dragons and he's just being humble or something. He's weird enough for that to be the case. Actually if he means geckos and he's just extrapolating from geckos to dragons then he's even weirder than that.]

[All Sio's hypotheses are true to a certain extent.]

Naturally. Geckos eat flies, not humans. However, there is an undeniable parallel between them, isn't there?

That's like saying a water pistol is like a machine gun! They're not the same at all! Geckos aren't dangerous and they don't spit fire!

[Yeah that isn't comforting. She thought you were an expert, man! Such disappointment!]

[He is most certainly an expert in fire, the divine wrath kind, but he is not telling the poor girl any of that.]

It will be all right, I am quite sure. All we need is to locate a proper dragon. The worst that can happen is a scorched dummy.

So a proper dragon means one that... isn't very bright?

[She was almost convinced. Now she's back to thinking this is a terrible idea and they're all going to die and what is wrong with the world.]

...Are you implying that geckos are not bright?

[ The poor geckos! They are God's creatures too.]

Well um I think they're just little... lizard... things.

[Can you guess who never gave any particular thought to gecko intelligence. YOU HAVE ONE GUESS.]

[Kevin, on the other hand, has given geckos a lot of thought. Heck, he was even around when they were created!...And everything else, really, but still a valid point.]

Well, do not underestimate them. I promise I will not underestimate dragons either.

Now, about Mister Eren's blood...Should we just ask him nicely?

W-we're not tying him up for it!!

[Just in case you were wondering. Because she knows you were wondering you freak.]

I'm sure he'll volunteer if, if he thinks the plan is good and it'll help!

[If. She's not saying she'll endorse it.]

[Why can't we tie him up? It is a perfectly safe procedure.]

Excellent! We probably don't need much, and if he passes out, there will be even less chances that he might end up in a dragon's belly. My, the hunt might be finished by the time he wakes up.

I... think he might be disappointed with that...

[Don't ask her okay. He's a crazy person who wants to fight dragons with swords, you're a crazy person who wants to tie people up and bleed them, everyone around her is batshit crazy.]

[ Like the crazy person who wants to build cannons can say much. ]

D-do you think he'd be disappointed for not taking the dummy's place?

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sorry for taking so long...!!

it's never too long ~