[Jaunt] the bug is angry

[virioncomplex]

What the fuck? What the fuck!

-=unlike when he was infiltrating as a human, his voice still sounds harsh and whispery (though loud enough over the network) and he is clearly in a tizzy about something=-

How do you mammals move around like this? I can't- it's all just out there?? I can't take a step without this impractical sack of meat and skin bouncing around between my legs.

What the hell am I doing wrong? Are you supposed to tuck it away somewhere so walking doesn't feel like you're punching yourself in the dick over and over again? What is wrong with nature, this is such a horrible design.

Comments

[mysunnydisposition]

Whoa, okay, first of all? Maybe a little inappropriate to just start... yelling about that. Telepathically or out loud.

[ God, please don't start yelling about your dick where the locals can hear. That... might go over better here than other places, but still probably a bad idea. ]

...I can't really offer any suggestions for your actual problem. I don't... have those parts. Sorry.

[virioncomplex]

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I was supposed to give a shit about someone else's delicate feelings over the subject of human biology.

[mysunnydisposition]

There are kids around here! I mean, maybe not this instant, but I'm pretty sure they don't need their intro to sex-ed from an angry alien or whatever.

[virioncomplex]

Oh, I get it. You're from one of those races. Should have guessed.

[mysunnydisposition]

One of... You know what, I'm not even going to ask.

[virioncomplex]

You know the type. Head's stuck so far up their own asses they end up terrified of their own genitalia, not to mention everyone else's.

[mysunnydisposition]

Yeah, I don't want to listen to a stranger yelling about his dick and I'm the one with a problem. Sure.

[virioncomplex]

You are the one who chose to come and bitch at me like some sanctimonious troglodyte. You could have just ignored me if you didn't like it. But instead, you decided to waste both our time with the most unhelpful commentary in the history of the universe.

So yes, you are the one with the problem.

[set_your_watches_for_fun]

I would like to point out, darling, that half of human children have the kind of equipment he's so upset about and are probably quite aware of that fact. The more alarming situation would be if they weren't.

[mysunnydisposition]

[ She pauses before responding. ]

Okay, fine. You still don't need to broadcast the state of your junk into everyone's heads. ...though at this point I'm starting to wonder if I should just be glad there weren't images attached.