synopsychic | (no subject)

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[Not long after the Liminal Space Transition, a voice comes through the network. He's not shouting by any means, and there's the monotone-robotic sound of someone who is quite unfamiliar with the network.]

oh stars, there's people in my head, and there was that room and everything there, and I don't know if I'm dead, and I'm looking at a flying saucer, and what even is going on, where am I

why are there people in my head, who is everyone, what the shit did Haggar do this time.....

[The ramble goes on for a while, getting increasingly panicked]

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It's very easy for Matt to slip into Shiro's lap again like he has so many times, and kiss him like it's the last time he'll be able to. Sure, it is likely a bit selfish of him, but there is so much that he's lost, so much that he needs, and he's pulling it all into the current kiss.

For once, he's uncertain, doesn't know how to ask for what he needs, let alone if he should even ask, considering how broken his love obviously is. He probably needs comforting guidance, not Matt being a mess of his own.

Shiro makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a groan, slipping his arms about Matt's waist to hold him firm. Stars, he's needed this so much. He's missed this, dreamed this, ached for the lack of it.

He rubs his warm palm soothingly along Matt's back, and presses into the kiss. And something he's thought long extinguished in himself stirs.

Matt wraps his arms around Shiro even tighter, somewhere between a claim and a cling. He needs this, needs him. He's not entirely certain that he's not either hallucinating or dead, but if he is either of those things, he can at least have a few moments' peace.

Something stirs in Matt as well, something that he hadn't even thought of since they were captured, a need that hasn't had a way to be met.

It's startling, feeling that desire after two years of absence. He doesn't recognize it at first, and fear that it might be the Champion resurfacing makes him break for breath and press his forehead to Matt's, panting.

His body only reacts when he's in danger anymore - in battle, or after nightmares - and ignoring it or taking care of it swiftly and perfunctorially in the shower has been his method.

He needs to examine this before he does anything with it. "I love you," he whispers, an affirmation to himself as well as to Matt.

Matt softens his hold on Shiro, reaching up to cup his cheek. "I love you too, Takashi. Talk to me, please. What's going on in your head?"

A sigh. "You know how much keeping things from me hurts."

Shiro's eyes drift closed in a slow blink. That touch. He's still so gentle and sweet after everything that's been done to him.

"Lots of things. How long it's been, how much has happened, how much I've needed this and didn't even really know it... I can't make up for what happened, but I want to do right by you. You deserve so much more than what you've been given."

"But I don't want to push you too hard or too fast, so don't you dare sit on something that's bothering you for my sake, ok?"

"Start at the beginning, I guess?" Matt looks over at Shiro, a bit of worry coming through in his expression. "That is, if you want to talk."

"I'm here, 'Kashi. For whatever you want me for."

Shiro smiles and kisses him one more time. "I know you are. You always have been. Give me a little time to get things sorted out in my head, ok? Right now I just want to hold you and kiss you for a while, if that's ok. When you get tired we can lay down. I just want to take this one step at a time."

"Oh, stars, 'Kashi, did you think I was pushing you into something? Cause I wasn't. I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry." Matt sighs, burying his face in Shiro's shoulder. "By all means hold me. In fact, I don't want you to stop for quite a while. I need to know you're here. I love you. So much, and if we never have sex again, I don't care. I just need you."

"No, no Matt, it's okay! I didn't..." Shiro tightens his embrace, cradling the back of Matt's head. "You weren't pushing, love. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You've got me for as long as you want me. I am very ok with making out all night if you want." His lips quirk in an amused smile, a slip of something close to what he had at the Garrison.

Matt smiles back, very happy to see Shiro actually smiling for once. Sighing, he nods. "We'll see, love. As much as I'd love to make out all night, I think I would even more like to have the novelty of sleeping in a bed with your arms around me."

A pause, and there, showing itself for the first time in a long while is Matt's smirk. "Although, I won't turn down some more making out."

Shiro's stomach flops giddily. Wow. There's his Matthew. Maybe he hasn't lost him after all.

He steals another few soft kisses, since it is pathologically impossible for him to not kiss that snirk, before murmuring, "I dunno... I'm enjoying having you sit in my lap again. I'm way too big to fit in yours anymore."

"You never fit in my lap that much anyway, brat." Matt laughs a bit, stealing a few amused kisses.

"This is where I've always belonged, and I'm staying here." There's a determined grin on his face.

"Not that it stopped me from trying," Shiro grins, kissing right back. "But you fit so nicely right here. I'm not going to let you go."

"Well, no." Matt laughs. "And good. I don't want you to let me go."

Laughing. He's actually laughing. It has Shiro grinning like a loon. "Never. Never ever."

That grin. Matt sighs, and a few more things fall into place. His 'Kashi is back, and it probably doesn't matter if he's dead or hallucinating. It's a bit of respite, a place to finally be able to be himself.

"Good. You know, I almost believe things are going to be alright for once."

"Believe it. We're going to make it work," Shiro says confidently, and right now he actually feels it. "We've got this, Matt. Together."

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