synopsychic | (Dated after Barry's dungeon and Jaunt)

[Thankfully, the second time that Noct accessed the psychic network he was much more in control of himself, and had a purpose. He was hoping that his 'message was working properly, as he'd never filtered anyone out before and he really preferred physical social media.]

Okay, if this is working properly, Ignis shouldn't be able to hear this. If he can, then you better not be listening.

[Not that it would do anything. But it better be working.]

So now that I'm not drugged out of my mind from pain, I realized that Spec's-I mean Ignis' birthday passed. Like I figured, he-didn't tell anyone, and I'm usually the one who forces him to celebrate.

Look, I don't know many of you or how many of you are friends with him but like. It would mean a lot. You know. If you knew him and helped out and such.

[He took a deep breath so he stopped rambling like an idiot teenager.]

I'm formally requesting the help of anyone involved with Ignis to set up a small get together for his birthday. Any help with food, presents, and anything else would be appreciated.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Carbuncle was now crawled onto Noct's lap into a fuzzy ball, and he was definitely grateful for that.

He didn't say anything for a minute again. Prompto sometimes was a mystery, and even if he told him about the encounter with Pryna and Luna, it still didn't let him have peace with why exactly his friend hung out with him.]

He's...he came up to me first. It took him a long time to actually do it but in high school he just. Came right up to me and treated me like a person. He's my best friend and I don't know why. Sure, we get annoyed at each other a lot, but it just happens. He had no obligation to come with me on our trip, but he did. I don't know why, cause it's dangerous and he could die. Like I said before, I don't know WHY. I don't know what answers you're looking for, but it's nothing you'll probably like. I'm a shitty friend, but I don't want to lose them either."

That's not what I'm asking. [Eliot's voice is surprisingly gentle, though, with some of those sharp edges that always seem to be there shaved off.]

You wouldn't talk to Ignis because you said you saw the way he looked at you, and you guessed he was pissed at you in a different way than usual. But what about Prompto, why not tell him what was going on? He never got on your case about anything right away, it was only when you did the radio silence bullshit that he got upset.

[Well, at least he could tell the man was trying; he'd never really perfected that skill either and it was a far cry from what Noct was expecting.

He still wasn't sure what the hell Elito wanted, because he didn't even know the reason he had been so afraid to talk to all of them.]

He didn't think I'd notice, but he changed too. I don't know what it was, but he's also from the future. Meaning he knew what Iggy-what Ignis went through. He was there and I apparently wasn't. He's a good friend, you know that. Why wouldn't he hate me for being so bad?

[He hated that his voice sounded thick with tears again, even if none were falling. He was so stupid and weak, and not fit for royalty.]

Why don't you trust them? [The question is simple, and Eliot pauses in what he's doing to look up at Noctis for it.] What about either of them makes you think they'd abandon you like that?

Of course I trust them!
[That had never been a question on his mind. Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto, they had always been and probably would be there for him-well, he couldn't say that with certainty, could he?

Noct didn't know what the hell Eliot was getting at, but he didn't like it.]

They wouldn't, and that's the goddamn problem! Don't you get it? They're following someone that doesn't exist!

Edited 2019-03-31 16:33 (UTC)

[Eliot doesn't respond to Noctis's growing irritation with matching ire, though. He just looks at the younger man steadily.]

So I'm confused. First you're telling me you didn't want to talk to anyone, because you were afraid they would hate you. Then you're saying you know though won't abandon you, even if they hated you? What, exactly, is it you're worried will happen if they find out who you really are?

[He's not going to argue that they already know. Not yet. The magician knows exactly what it feels like to believe that no one could possibly love him if they realized who he really was. The difference between himself and Noctis was that he is and had been a much, much better liar than the king, and no one, even Quentin, had really known him. The closest anyone had come to that was Janet, and that was mainly because she was fucked up in some very similar ways to him.]

I dunno, that they'll finally see how fucked up I am as a person and realize they've been lied to and really, finally leave me alone.

[Noct hasn't, and never was a good liar, especially to his closest friends. He was bad at socializing, awkward and wierd sometimes, but he was geniune with his feelings even if he never knew it himself. But that also came with him thinking everyone was better off without him.]

You think you'd be able to stand Prompto's look of disappointment when he realizes? Yeah, I'm a coward and they're the only friends I have left. I got nothing after this. I don't want them to just stick around because they feel obligated, if they don't actually want to do this shit.

So. [Eliot's voice is calm and casual as he looks at Noctis, his gaze steady.] They already know.

[He leans one slender hip against the counter, hand resting lightly on wooden surface of the cutting board.]

They're not going to tell you this, because they're your friends. But we're not friends, and I know exactly how you're feeling, so I'm going to lay it out for you.

You're a shitty liar. You're terrible at hiding how you're feeling, and I can guarantee you that you haven't managed to camouflage any of your flaws for very long with Ignis or Prompto. Both of them are actually highly intelligent, and observant. Worst traits to have in friends, honestly. They know you're a coward. They know how fucked up you are. They probably know all the less-than-generous thoughts you have, they know all of your mistakes and missteps. They know you can be selfish, they know you don't always treat them as well as they deserve, and I'm damn sure they also know you have a massive self-esteem issue.

And for whatever reason - and that reason is not duty - they're still here. They still love you, even when you royally fuck up. Yeah, sometimes they get disappointed, and sometimes they get mad, or sometimes they do stupid shit because of something you did. But they're also not perfect people. They've got their own issues and flaws that they're dealing with, too.

So you can feel as bad about yourself as you want. Hell, I'll throw in, in my time I was the high king of internal loathing and self-immolation, and all the super fun bad choices that come with that. But don't underestimate them, or think they haven't made the choice to be your friends and stick by you with eyes wide open.

(Dated after Barry's dungeon and Jaunt)

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