synopsychic | [About a day before the Jaunt starts]

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[About a day before the Jaunt starts]

There's something I've been thinking about since the Walkabout. The gear Brockengard's Hunters used to bring down their prey is almost exactly the same as the gear used to fight Titans in the world I'm from. I know that's probably a coincidence, but I still ended up comparing the two worlds. Except in Brockengard, humans have already been wiped out. And the "extinct animals" were definitely humans. I was there when the skeletons were found and saw them myself.

But even though there are no more humans in that world, there are still people there. A lot of small animals started becoming intelligent around the same time the last humans died. I keep wondering... Did the animals start becoming intelligent because the humans were gone? And if they did, is that something that could happen in other worlds too? If all the people of a world die out, but there's still life there, is it normal for a new kind of people to appear to take their place?

[Despite the melancholy subject, Eren's mental voice sounds almost hopeful.]

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It's possible. There isn't a... specific amount of sentience or life that gets passed around between species, though.

My guess is that somehow while humans were going extinct, it gave the animals the ability to evolve a greater sentience.

Really, my mother would be better at this, but unfortunately she's not here.

Of course there's not. If there was, the animals in the Walls would've already started to change.

I don't really get how that evolution thing works. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is... would there not being sentient people anymore somehow force animals to become sentient people too? Or is sentience something that can be wiped out forever?

[There's an odd hesitance at the words "wiped out," like he had trouble saying them but forced himself to keep going without letting himself think about it too much.]

It’s hard to say. We were still changing and growing years after whatever happened, so there’s more to it than simply being struck one day with consciousness. But could animals on other worlds wake up like that? Was it a lab accident or something? We don’t know.

All the same, life continues. Unless some catastrophe wipes all life off the planet, or it explodes or something, new things will grow there.

Lab accident? So it could've happened because of some kind of technology? ...Of course it did.

[He's a bit annoyed and frustrated with himself now.]

It's not life itself I'm worried about. Titans don't target the plants and animals. Only the people. But if all the people die, there's a lot that dies with them. A bird might be able to fly, but it's not smart enough to realize how lucky it is to have that kind of freedom.

Consciousness is no less miraculous if it’s induced, but I think I see your meaning. We don’t understand enough about how it arises to guess at this point. It is possible that with fewer natural enemies animals could adapt into something different, but would it qualify as what we imagine intelligence to be? Would they find our way of thinking hopelessly backward?

[would they end up targeted by Titans as soon as they become self-aware, but she doesn’t say that]

Of course it's not, but I don't think it's something that can be induced in a world that still hasn't even figured out electricity yet.

I don't know, maybe they don't have to think exactly like us? As long as they can see that there's more than cruelty in the world and understand how important freedom is, I think that'd be enough.

[That the Titans might target anything self-aware is something he's thought of, but he doesn't see much point talking about it here. At least there's a chance intelligent animals wouldn't be targeted.]

I’d like to think that that at least that could happen on any world.

I don't think it's something I'd count on happening, but there's no reason to say it's completely impossible.

[Having some idea of why Eren might sound hopeful about this notion, Naoki's in no hurry to squash it.]

Of course I'm not going to count on it. It's not like I'm going to just give up and die without putting up a fight. But if we don't win... Maybe there'll be someone there after us. Someone to keep going, so it wouldn't have all been for nothing.

But if it's not "completely impossible," that just means it's not likely, right? I didn't really think it would be. We don't even know if the timing of what happened in Brockengard's world was more than a coincidence. But there's a lot I don't understand about how science works, so I needed to be sure.

I don't know if we have enough information to say how likely or unlikely it is. As it is, it took a highly improbable cocktail of circumstances for life to form on Earth, let alone stick there - assuming no divine intervention, anyway. [Which Naoki isn't necessarily doing.

Defeated a god in combat, and all that.]

The only way it's all for nothing is if you don't make the most of what you've got, and you're not about to do that, either.

What, like... okay, it's probably not a direct parallel, but like after the dinosaurs? We have no way of knowing when intelligence entered the equation, but there were definitely animals that survived that little cataclysm, and thrived in the aftermath.

Like I told that other person, it's not all life getting wiped out that I'm worried about. I'm worried about people. If there will be anyone left to make sure everything that's happened will still have meaning.

If it has meaning to you, then it has meaning.

There's always going to be somebody reaching for what you've got. Once you're out of the way, nothing's stopping them.

As long as there are still people in the world, that's true. In some ways you can say the same for animals too. That's just the way the world works. But is that alone really enough for animals to become intelligent? It's how it seemed to work in that world, but I can't shake the feeling there's more to it than that.

...I don't think that would happen in our world, Eren.

...I know. I'm being stupid. This is dumb even for me. But I... I couldn't get it out of my head.

[There's a short pause while Eren tries to find the right way to put his thoughts into words.]

I guess it's because being with the Hunters felt a lot like being back in the Survey Corps. Except that the danger was small enough all the Hunters were expected to make it back home. I kept thinking about what it'd be like if the missions beyond the Walls were more like those Hunting missions, and wondering what else might be similar...

[There's a small sigh.] I didn't say that, Eren. It's not stupid to want things to work out - especially when you've seen evidence that they can work that way.

But ours is a harsher world - not as flexible as a lot of the ones we visit.

[He still feels kind of dumb, but at least a lot of the shame and embarrassment fades from his mental 'voice'.]

Yeah... I wonder if it was always like that, or did it change when the Titans appeared? [It's hard to say whether or not he meant to send that particular thought. Either way, he takes a moment to mentally refocus himself.]

Then we'll just have to make sure we don't lose, right? If we win, it won't matter that our world's not a flexible one.

If we win, and we're able to explore the world for evidence of more than a hundred years ago, we may eventually find out. Otherwise, it seems unlikely we'll ever know.

But yes. We'll win, because we have no other choice.

...If we ever manage to get back there.

And if we find out what happened, we might be able to put things right.

...We'll get back. Like you said, we'll win because we don't have any other choice. We have to get back there before we can win. So we'll get back.

[He's certain of it. Yet despite his determined words, there's no energy as he talks about going back to their world. Instead he sounds worried and resigned. Eren's still resolved to do what he needs to, but it's clear going back still isn't something he really wants.]

...

[There's a prolonged pause. Armin's much less certain of ever getting back home - at least in any meaningful sense, with their memories intact - than he is of winning if they ever do make it. And he won't lie and pretend to agree, just to make Eren feel better. At the same time, arguing about it wouldn't be productive for anyone. And he really doesn't have the energy for it anyway.]

[Eren waits for a long moment, expecting some kind of response. There's a slight mental sigh when no answer comes, followed by another - albeit shorter - pause.]

...Armin? [His 'voice' is more quiet now.] You don't have to agree with me, you know. But I have to keep telling myself we'll make it. I have to.

[Which is certainly a surprising answer, to say the least. For as long as Armin's known him, Eren's always spoken - or more often yelled - about how he'll definitely make his goals happen. It's something he does to convince himself so he can keep going. But this is the closest he's come to actually admitting that that's what he's doing, and the first time he hasn't stubbornly tried to convince everyone around him too.]

I know you do, Eren. [A sigh, just sounding tired.] Which is why I didn't say anything. Because I... I just don't know anymore.

[Eren's quiet for a long moment, not quite sure what to say. Given how long Armin's been Traveling - and how much he's gone through in that time - he has good reason to be so uncertain. It's still hard for Eren to hear, though. He wants to be able to give his friends hope. But in this case, he doesn't know how he can do that.]

...I won't stop trying to get us back to our world until it's free from the Titans. I can't promise you I'll get us there, but I promise that I won't stop moving forward. [It's the only thing he can do.] I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this up.

I know you won't. [He sighs again.] Eren... you don't need to apologize. I'm broken. There are a lot of things that will make me scared, or tired, or uncertain. You couldn't know what they'll all be, and it's not reasonable to expect you to avoid them all.

I - I don't want you to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. [Or... not anymore than he already has to.] I don't mind talking about it. I just - I don't know what I think about it anymore.

You're not broken!

[There's a short pause while Eren tries to find the right words. His initial response was clearly a knee-jerk reaction, but when he continues his thoughts carry a firm certainty.]

You're not broken. You've been hurt, but that doesn't mean you're broken, Armin. You're still here. You're still fighting. Broken people don't keep fighting.

[Armin just shakes his head, obviously not convinced - though he appreciates Eren trying.]

There's more than one way to be broken, Eren. I may not have given up, but... you know I'm not right. That I don't work like I should. That if I'm not careful, I could get scared and lash out, I could hurt someone without meaning to, or worse. That I might not even recognize you.

Hurt is one thing. I was hurt before. But this is something more. And I don't need to hide from that.

I know you were really badly hurt. Worse than what anything else could've done. I know it won't do any good to deny that. But that still doesn't mean you're broken. Even after everything you went through, you still came back to help everyone. That's not something broken people do.

You're a lot stronger than you think you are.

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[About a day before the Jaunt starts]

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