(no subject)

[moredakka]

[Sup Investigators. Have some spazflail in your brains.]

Ogura Sio, reporting!!

There are dragons. They kill people. There's a force that fights them coming from someplace called Flamegard but they lose a third of their people every year because they haven't even got cannons. Can, can we give them cannons? I know we're supposed to blend in b-but - but! What if it's our mission?

Comments

[senseandcecilbility]

[It was very intense!]

Couldn't we merely roll them out of their nests?

[He is just assuming dragons have nests, in the same way he is assuming they lay eggs.]

[moredakka]

Wouldn't they just... lay more?

[Yeah she is not getting more confident in this plan here.]

[senseandcecilbility]

That is why it would take one or two decades.

[He has lived long enough to understand that humans are quite good at making other species disappear.]

[moredakka]

We haven't got a decade or two! There's people getting eaten right now!

[senseandcecilbility]

...Couldn't we start to eat their eggs now? Stir fry the smallest of them, even.

[He fails to see the problem here, madam.]

[moredakka]

It's not about food! We need to save the whole world, Jaeger-san is going to fight dragons with a sword!

[A SWORD OKAY. There is no limit to her mental flailing over this.]

[senseandcecilbility]

[Michael would be offended. He has an amazing sword.]

Oh, good for him! Dragons have been slain with swords before...or so I have heard. Spears don't seem to be a bad choice either...

[Particularly flaming spears of divine wrath.]

Though now that you mention it, do we need to save the world?

[moredakka]

It isn't good! It's nuts! The dragons'll eat him like person-shaped candy! [WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN]

A-and, of course we need to, we are on a mission aren't we!

[Don't make her think of the other option. Please don't.]

[senseandcecilbility]

[Do you mean the part in which we don't have any idea why we are here in the first place?]

...W-well, if that is an issue, perhaps we should persuade him to refrain from challenging dragons in the first place.

[It is that simple, really.]

[moredakka]

[Yes Kevin. Exactly that part. stfu about it sob.]

He's... very enthusiastic about it, though.

[senseandcecilbility]

[Shhh, shhh, you haven't heard anything from him.]

All his enthusiasm will be of no avail if we tie him up.

[He is. Very good at tying people up.]

[moredakka]

[... why does she always get the freaks.]

T-tie him... for the whole Jaunt...?

[senseandcecilbility]

[There is nothing freakish about angels, dearie. Don't be a heretic.]

Wouldn't that be rather more humane than allowing the poor young man to become dragon provender?

[moredakka]

[Not angels, man, just you.]

I - I don't think the other dragon knights will be okay with that... and they have gryphons.

[senseandcecilbility]

[What are you suggesting? I have never been a freak in my entire life.]

Ah, that is a problem.

Perhaps we should let them have their heroic fight and stay back to---

--Wait, don't dragons usually guard impressive treasures?

[Suddenly cannons don't seem like such a bad idea, after all. ]

[moredakka]

[Takes one to know one...]

Um... maybe...? If they really kidnapped the queen like some people say then there's got to be some reward involved like half the kingdom or something...

[senseandcecilbility]

[ Such a lovely child. He likes the way she thinks!]

Half a kingdom, you said? Oh my, you are right!

[Perhaps being kidnapped by faceless tyrants and sent to another dimension has its perks, after all.]

What we need is a brave warrior to distract the dragon while we...relieve it from its treasure. Maybe even free her Majesty in the process!

[Certainly they could still use the egg strategy, but if treasures and rewards are involved, they have no time to lose! ]

[moredakka]

[DAMNIT KEVIN YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE PLAN HERE]

What? The treasure isn't important! Are you even listening?? It's about Jaeger-san getting eaten! Eaten by a big hungry dragon! RAWR! NOM! LIKE THAT!

[senseandcecilbility]

[See, they started talking about money, so there might be some selective hearing involved. There also may be some teasing at this point, because the young lady makes nice hungry dragon sounds. One can never be sure with Kevin.]

Speaking of which, what makes you so certain the dragon would eat him. Perhaps Mister Jaeger is not to its taste.

[But if he is, he might make an acceptable dragon bait.]

[moredakka]

[Alas, Sio is the worst at teasing. And the best at freaking out. It's a good thing Kevin's getting the yelling strictly through psychic means. And is spared the flailing.]

Because he'll be running at it with a sword! A SWORD! That's like saying HERE YOU GO I ALSO GOT YOU A TOOTHPICK!

[Conversely it also means she doesn't have to breath between yells.] This is a serious situation!!

[senseandcecilbility]

[ Even without flailing, it is still a little painful. ]

Understood. In this case, here is another plan. We do tie Mr. Jaeger, use some of his blood to create a dummy Mr. Jaeger and lure the dragon out of its lair. Dummy Mr. Jaeger might even carry a sword for realism. Then we set the dragon on fire, free Her Majesty and claim the treasure. Later, we untie Mr. Jaeger. He will be as good as new, and happy to have given his blood for a good cause.

[Since this plan involves bondage and setting unholy things on fire, he is totally serious.]

[moredakka]

[SERIOUS BUSINESS IS SERIOUS DEAL WITH IT]

A... dummy?

[Wait okay this is actually not a terrible plan. She does imagine that there must be some dragons out there who are specifically interested in eating Eren. It seems a reasonable assumption. There is the one thing, though...]

How do you make a dummy out of blood?

[senseandcecilbility]

Well, with Mr.Jaeger's help, of course. Though we would certainly not take enough to kill him. That would defeat the purpose of the plan, wouldn't it? All we need is some of his clothes smeared with blood, and perhaps a few strands of his hair too.

[ All those can be acquired without much ado. Besides, making someone bleed is not that hard.]

[moredakka]

[Better and better. Did all she have to do to turn the crazy into not crazy was mention the reward? It sure is nice to have such a simple switch, but...]

Y-you're sure the dragon would be fooled by that? I don't really know how smart they are and...

[senseandcecilbility]

[ Money is always an incentive as long as Kevin is concerned!]

Well, if that fails, the result will be a scorched dummy. Speaking of which, we should warm up the thing before using it as a bait, since lizards are supposed to perceive heat and a cold dummy is a dead dummy.