[Video]// backdated to the fridge liminal

[neverfeltthatway]

I have the list of Travelers who have vanished. [Armin's face is serious, yet at the same time almost studiously blank - devoid of expression or emotion, much more so than usual.]

Tim, Phedre, Istas, Leonardo, Joscelin, Sansa, Ezio, Asa, Vilari, and Robin. [Even as controlled as he is, he can't help the slight tremble, and the tightening around the eyes when he mentions Sansa.]

...I'm sorry.

Comments

[neverfeltthatway]

[Armin looks at his friend, and though little visibly changes, somehow the pain and sorrow deepens in his eyes.]

I know. [His voice is calm and quiet.] It just wasn't enough.

[bite_the_hand]

[And Eren's already regretting saying that, but it's too late to take it back. At least he was able to get a reaction out of his friend besides that... That awful emotionless numbness. And as painful as this probably is to talk about, Armin needs to know the truth.]

[Eren shakes his head, then looks back to his friend as he speaks again.] No, it wasn't that she didn't love you enough. She did love you. A lot. I could tell. You think I would've forgiven her so quickly if she hadn't convinced me of that? When I talked to her, she told me she wouldn't give herself the chance to hurt you again. That you deserved better. And... she was afraid you wouldn't love her anymore once you figured out how much she'd changed. Which was dumb, and I told her it was dumb, but she was that scared of hurting you.

[neverfeltthatway]

[Armin continues to look at Eren, his expression unchanging.]

I know, Eren. But it wasn't enough. [He speaks as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, as if he's confused Eren doesn't understand what he means.] She hurt me anyway, and I never got her back.

She loved me. And it wasn't enough.

[bite_the_hand]

Ah- [He looks away, trying to think of what he should say. Eren raises his free hand to run his fingers through his hair. Armin's clearly not okay, but he's reacting in a way Eren hasn't seen before and he doesn't know what Armin's thinking, doesn't know what to say to help - or even if he should say anything at all. What's he trying to get at? That what happened wasn't Armin's fault, so he shouldn't blame himself? That it's okay to let himself feel? After a pause that last several seconds, he finally, slowly, begins to speak again.]

...I think it would've been. If there'd been more time. If Traveling wasn't so messed up. I...

[He takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh. He's just making everything worse, isn't he? Fuck.]

I don't know, Armin. But I'm worried about you. I've been worried about you, I just thought it was just... [He shakes his head.] I'm sorry.

[neverfeltthatway]

[Armin slowly shakes his head, his eyes still far too clear through his grief.] But that doesn't matter. Because we didn't have more time, and Traveling is so messed up.

[And then he smiles - a smile Eren won't recognize, one that looks amused but is utterly devoid of humor. Something sardonic and dark and cynical, that almost seems a mockery of a true smile.] You're worried? Don't be. What more can they do to me that they haven't already done?

[bite_the_hand]

[Eren looks back at his friend, and his eyes widen. In contrast to the alien expression on his best friend's face, Eren's expression is unfortunately very familiar to Armin: fear. The kind of fear he gets in his eyes when everything's gone horribly wrong and he doesn't know how to stop his world from crumbling around him. The kind of fear that, for a few heartbeats, makes even Eren Jaeger freeze like a rabbit who just saw the shadow of a hawk pass over him.]

[Yet he only stays like that for a couple of seconds. He leans down and wraps his arms around his friend, then pulls Armin up to hold him against his chest. Eren hugs him, tightly. He's shaking. The tremors are nearly invisible but Armin will be able to feel that shaking while he's being held close like this. Eren is shaking with fear and sorrow... and rage.]

[He'd once asked Alcuin how many times someone can break before you can't put them back together anymore. Now he's terrified he might have received his answer. That even if he helped put the pieces back together the damage is becoming so severe as to begin making his friend into someone unrecognizable. And that possibility brings him more sadness than he could ever say.]

[And rage... His anger is for the Trumps, the ones that did this to his friend. For a time, he'd almost been willing to give them a chance to explain themselves. After all, he'd once hated the Titans with his entire being, only to realize everything he'd thought was wrong. He'd started to think that maybe, just maybe he'd been wrong about the Trumps too. Mostly because he was begrudgingly grateful to them for saving Armin from the fate he would come to back home. But no... His friend has been hurt far too badly for that. It's too late for understanding, too late for forgiveness. A year ago he'd screamed that he'd grind their captors' bones to dust beneath his feat. This time he does not give voice to the way he feels, but the smoldering anger inside him has been rekindled into an uncontrollable blaze. He will find a way to confront the Trumps. And he will make them pay.]