synopsychic | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

[Sup Investigators. Have some spazflail in your brains.]

Ogura Sio, reporting!!

There are dragons. They kill people. There's a force that fights them coming from someplace called Flamegard but they lose a third of their people every year because they haven't even got cannons. Can, can we give them cannons? I know we're supposed to blend in b-but - but! What if it's our mission?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Uh... that's an... interesting... strategy... [Read: what.]

The dragons probably guard their eggs, though...

[...Says the young lady who proposed cannons.]

Indeed. That is why one must abscond with them.

[Isn't that what humans have been doing since they got kicked out of Eden? Stealing eggs?]

[HEY CANNONS ARE ALWAYS ON-TOPIC.]

You mean... steal? But we'll have to know where the nests are, and uh, wouldn't dragon eggs be really big?

[If only she were around when they were fighting the Spanish Armada!]

Well, if they are that big, tracking them should not be particularly challenging. In truth, big dragons most likely lay proportionally big eggs. Protein for the whole family!

Edited 2014-05-12 14:18 (UTC)

[Don't tell her she'd die of envy on the spot.]

Umm, but... you can't just... stick them in your pocket and run.

[It was very intense!]

Couldn't we merely roll them out of their nests?

[He is just assuming dragons have nests, in the same way he is assuming they lay eggs.]

Wouldn't they just... lay more?

[Yeah she is not getting more confident in this plan here.]

That is why it would take one or two decades.

[He has lived long enough to understand that humans are quite good at making other species disappear.]

We haven't got a decade or two! There's people getting eaten right now!

...Couldn't we start to eat their eggs now? Stir fry the smallest of them, even.

[He fails to see the problem here, madam.]

It's not about food! We need to save the whole world, Jaeger-san is going to fight dragons with a sword!

[A SWORD OKAY. There is no limit to her mental flailing over this.]

[Michael would be offended. He has an amazing sword.]

Oh, good for him! Dragons have been slain with swords before...or so I have heard. Spears don't seem to be a bad choice either...

[Particularly flaming spears of divine wrath.]

Though now that you mention it, do we need to save the world?

It isn't good! It's nuts! The dragons'll eat him like person-shaped candy! [WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN]

A-and, of course we need to, we are on a mission aren't we!

[Don't make her think of the other option. Please don't.]

[Do you mean the part in which we don't have any idea why we are here in the first place?]

...W-well, if that is an issue, perhaps we should persuade him to refrain from challenging dragons in the first place.

[It is that simple, really.]

[Yes Kevin. Exactly that part. stfu about it sob.]

He's... very enthusiastic about it, though.

[Shhh, shhh, you haven't heard anything from him.]

All his enthusiasm will be of no avail if we tie him up.

[He is. Very good at tying people up.]

[... why does she always get the freaks.]

T-tie him... for the whole Jaunt...?

[There is nothing freakish about angels, dearie. Don't be a heretic.]

Wouldn't that be rather more humane than allowing the poor young man to become dragon provender?

Edited 2014-05-26 12:12 (UTC)

[Not angels, man, just you.]

I - I don't think the other dragon knights will be okay with that... and they have gryphons.

[What are you suggesting? I have never been a freak in my entire life.]

Ah, that is a problem.

Perhaps we should let them have their heroic fight and stay back to---

--Wait, don't dragons usually guard impressive treasures?

[Suddenly cannons don't seem like such a bad idea, after all. ]

[Takes one to know one...]

Um... maybe...? If they really kidnapped the queen like some people say then there's got to be some reward involved like half the kingdom or something...

[ Such a lovely child. He likes the way she thinks!]

Half a kingdom, you said? Oh my, you are right!

[Perhaps being kidnapped by faceless tyrants and sent to another dimension has its perks, after all.]

What we need is a brave warrior to distract the dragon while we...relieve it from its treasure. Maybe even free her Majesty in the process!

[Certainly they could still use the egg strategy, but if treasures and rewards are involved, they have no time to lose! ]

[DAMNIT KEVIN YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE PLAN HERE]

What? The treasure isn't important! Are you even listening?? It's about Jaeger-san getting eaten! Eaten by a big hungry dragon! RAWR! NOM! LIKE THAT!

[See, they started talking about money, so there might be some selective hearing involved. There also may be some teasing at this point, because the young lady makes nice hungry dragon sounds. One can never be sure with Kevin.]

Speaking of which, what makes you so certain the dragon would eat him. Perhaps Mister Jaeger is not to its taste.

[But if he is, he might make an acceptable dragon bait.]

[Alas, Sio is the worst at teasing. And the best at freaking out. It's a good thing Kevin's getting the yelling strictly through psychic means. And is spared the flailing.]

Because he'll be running at it with a sword! A SWORD! That's like saying HERE YOU GO I ALSO GOT YOU A TOOTHPICK!

[Conversely it also means she doesn't have to breath between yells.] This is a serious situation!!