coming clean (starplot)

[reallymean]

I'm sure some of you have already discovered the reason for Liminal Space's current shape, but for those who haven't, Star is one of the living Arcana once more. Their restoration wasn't my work alone, but it was my idea to make the attempt, and my plan that we followed. The resurrection, and any consequences it might have on the Jaunt or Jaunts to follow is my responsibility. Not my team's, not the result of some plot by the Arcana or any outside forces. Mine.

Before anyone asks, I don't have any intention of resurrecting the rest of the fallen Arcana. I don't think it could even be done the same way a second time. With one exception, we don't know enough about how and where they died - and I suspect even making the attempt would be so against the idiom of that exception as to guarantee failure.

Comments

[thornsofmalkav]

No, no, I get it.

Just. Fuck. In retrospect, it's extremely obvious what I was doing with Malik. I mean, here's this guy that, like, puts on a false front of being much less dangerous than he is, that's protective and stubborn and pretty much the right age and uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism. Of course my brain would latch onto him as a suspiciously similar Steven substitute. And because I was still so fucked up about Steven suddenly becoming an entirely other person--which, uh, had happened because he'd been basically replaced by a pod person, which I didn't know at the time--of course I wouldn't admit to myself that I'd done that with Malik. Even though in retrospect I totally had.

So I put all these Steven-expectations on him and he started to fail to live up to them and then he accidentally did something that reminded me of the pod person and--

I mean. I think that's what got me so fucked up. Like, I was already feeling a little weird about him because of not feeling like he was putting in as much emotional effort into me as I was doing into him, but. The unconscious echoing of the pod person was. Just. Yeah. It was fucked up.

But at that point I didn't necessarily know about the pod person? Like, a week or so later I talked to an alternate universe version of my brother and learned that he had the pod person. But I didn't know, you know? Not for certain. Not until Felicia broke the Traveler Catcher and I got to talk to my real one. And that's when I started to realize what I'd done.

I just. I don't know. I feel bad about how I treated him, I guess.

If I ever see him again, I'll tell him that.