Awkward questions time

[loyalrebel]

Unrelated to... most everything else, but I have a question for you all.

What are parents supposed to be like? Having them, or even being one.

I ask because I do not... actually know from first-hand experience. I never really knew mine and I have no children of my own.

[Someone has been hitting the truth sharing apples probably a bit more than he should have, so expect some storytime.]

Comments

[what_do_you_see]

Do you want fairytale version or truth?

[loyalrebel]

Whichever one you you want to share, or even both. Though I would rather an unfortunate truth than a pretty lie.

[bluejade]

It depends on your species. I can tell you what my birthqueen and her consort were like, but that might not help you, since you're not a Raksura.

I've been thinking about the second question myself. My consort and I have been trying to conceive our first clutch. Or were, until I ended up here, and he's back home.

[loyalrebel]

That does not mean I would not find it informative, perhaps your people do something better than we do and there is something to be learned.

[willyousee]

As with any person, it seems to depend on the personalities... Ideally, parents are meant to love and protect their children and teach them the ways of the world. To procure for them the best that they may and provide for them to the best of their ability - feed them, clothe them, educate them, show them the dangers and the wonders of life.

Some are better at this than others, and some are never given a chance through circumstances of their own childhoods or adult lives. Some are poor. Others untrustworthy. Others addicts. Others cowards. Others ill. Others neglectful.

But others are everything one might wish: kind, loving, concerned for their children's well-being without being smothering.

I have only second-hand experience, as I never knew my father, and my mother died while I was very young, but those are my observations, such as they are.

[loyalrebel]

Your observations seem to match mine.

I... do not know if I would be any good at it myself or even if anyone would even wish to have children with me to begin with.

[littleladyluck]

The classsic ideal of a good parent is someone nurturing and kind, perhaps a bit overbearing , who cares for your growth and wants the best for you, but there are good parents and bad parents just as there are good and bad children.

I can't say this from lifelong experience, really. I lost my mother to my grandfather, and my grandfather to himself, so I'm not any real authority on parents. [Speaking seriously is infinitely more awkward for her when she can't laugh about it. Curse her lack of psychic abilities.]

[loyalrebel]

I am sorry you have lost your family, I do understand that much of such things from experience.

[memorizza]

[DID SOMEONE SAY DADDY ISSUES??]

Does it matter what they're supposed to be like?

[loyalrebel]

To most it apparently does.

[awitchdidit]

[It honestly takes some effort not to spit her tea out at this abrupt question.]

Would you want only the perspective of those who knew their parents, or those who merely watched others grow up with them?

[loyalrebel]

Considering most seem to not know much personally either... I would like to know from first hand experience.

[someonetocarry]

That's a hell of a question.

Suppose the only real answer is, there's as many kinds of parents are there are kinds of people. Some are good, some ain't. Mine weren't too bad, I suppose, though I ain't seen 'em in years now.

The best I'm hopin' for for is that my girl knows she's loved and goes on to do some good in the 'verse.

[Of course the pregnant woman is gonna chime in. What else did you expect?]

Private

[howexciting]

... she will know she is loved. You and Wash clearly adore her already. And the fact you wish so much good for her only amplifies that love.

[Hell, Leonardo adores this baby, and she hasn't even been born yet. His Bondmate's daughter might as well be family, too.]

[runawaystory]

Ummmmmmmmm...

Where did this all come from?

[loyalrebel]

Does it matter?

I understand that people do not care to share things about themselves here, but I feel it is a valid line of inquiry considering there is a large pool of people here who have a variety of backgrounds.

[shiroganeheir]

In theory, parents are there to raise their children, to teach them the ways of the world, and to give them the tools needed to take on life as an adult.

In practice, that rarely happens. Admittedly, I have very little family of my own, and have mostly only seen the darker sides of humanity, but much of what I have observed is parents hurting their children more than helping.

[private]

[truerevelation]

Naoto...

Do you think I'd have been better off without ma or dad? Sure, we kinda fought, but... that's people. Hell, you think Kei's gonna make shit worse for Dee?

[howexciting]

I wouldn't know, I am afraid. I suppose they are meant, ideally, to be loving, supportive, and strict without being too overbearing, but that is all I can guess. My relationship with both my parents has been... complicated.

As for being a parent, I am not sure on that front, either. I will never have biological children of my own, given my... proclivities, at least not as far as any future literature about me would indicate. To my children here in Liminal Space, I have done my utmost to be loving, and supportive, though I cannot be strict.

I am not sure how good of a parent I've been, given that I have upset them many times over. [Ugh insecurities why did you have to rear your ugly collective heads now--]

[Private]

[willyousee]

...do you wish to have children, my love? You have been a good and loving parent to those the Trumps have bestowed on you so far.

[leftbehindagain]

Other people have already covered the fact that there's theory and then there's practice.

My parents haven't done too badly, overall. I mean, there have been times they didn't talk about things they really, really needed do, and I come by my general inability to deal with grief honestly, but they've at least tried to get it right.

Trying is no guarantee of success, but it's a hell of a lot better than not trying.

[loyalrebel]

Talking to people properly seems to be an uncommon thing all around it seems.

[he's just as bad about it, but then few people ever ask.]

Is everyone's experience with parents not trying as common as I am being led to believe?

[forcechanic]

Well, they're supposed to look out for you and have good advice when things go wrong. My dad usually goes with "so this is how I screwed up so you don't have to".

Sometimes where you get that can be a little unexpected though. My grandfather wasn't really a parent to my mom... actually, he caused a lot of problems. But Grandpa, the one who actually raised her even though they weren't related, he was always there for her. And that's what parents are supposed to do.

[loyalrebel]

Learning from other's mistakes is not a terrible way of doing things, especially if that person is willing to speak about them honestly.

[thornsofmalkav]

I was sort of a surprise for my parents. They always said I was a good one, but they only just ever planned to have my brother. He's ten years older.

I used to call them once a week after I followed my sire to Brooklyn. Even after I became a vampire. This... has been the longest I've gone without talking to them. My mom in particular. God. She'd... have called me eventually if I hadn't called her. I wonder what she thinks happened to me.

[There's an uncomfortable pause.]

I was a mother during the Jaunt. I mean. My daughter wasn't on Junkworld. But I'd had one before I was dumped there. And I remember a little bit. There's this tiny little person that depends on you for everything. And you-- you have to keep them safe, you know? And fed and clothed and shit. But when they smile up at you... it's incredibly rewarding.

[loyalrebel]

I am not sure whether our leaving is noticeable by those back home or not.

[He has a few odd thoughts about it occasionally, but he's not sure if anyone actually wants to hear that theory.]

Altaïr makes these... faces when he holds Darim, ones I did not think anyone was capable of.

[pseudologist]

As far as I can tell, parents exist to try to live out their own broken dreams through their children, and to be bitter and disapproving over every failure to live up to those goals.

[ofinspiration]

That sounds more or less accurate, yeah...

[aimedhigh]

Being a parent is ...perhaps one of the best things a person might do in their lives. Or at least that is so for me. I ....try to make certain my children don't follow in my mistakes, raise them to be honorable young men and women. Or I should say I tried. I can only hope I succeeded. [Is he going to ignore the 'having' portion of that question? You bet he is.]

[mysunnydisposition]

...oh. [ Her mental voice is soft and a little surprised. ] I didn't know you had kids.

[claudiometer]

I don't really remember my parents, but they did a good enough job with Joshua that he didn't screw up raising me too bad. Up to the point his master's thesis ate him, anyway. [She only half means that metaphorically.]

I lucked out in the foster system - only had one set of foster parents, and they were... okay. Didn't go wanting for anything. But they weren't who I wanted to be there. They tried, though, which is more than a lot of people who foster do.

[loyalrebel]

Foster system? I am not certain we have those back in my time.

cw: child neglect

[happyhalloween]

I don't know much of what papas are like. All I've ever had is Mama. I saw a picture of a tanned man in a swimsuit in Mama's things once that I think might have been my papa but then when I went to look at it again it was gone and when I asked Mama she got mad and said it didn't exist. So sometimes I'm not sure if there was ever a picture at all.

A priest came to my school once. I asked if it was strange not to have a papa, but he said Jesus didn't have a papa either. That's when I realized I was magical.

I did have a papa in the Waking World when we went to Questing Country. He looked like the man in the picture. He had to work all the time just like Mama but he never got possessed. He really liked to drink coffee! He taught me how to drink it too!

But that's the only time I've ever had a papa. When we were in Nova Venezia and Misericordia I didn't have one there either.

But I've always had Mama. Me and Mama love each other very much. We're the only people each other has.

Mama works late hours a lot. Sometimes she doesn't come home for days. When that happens I take the money she leaves me and I walk to the convenience store to get food. The nights Mama comes back she's usually very tired and I run the bath for her and get her aspirin and something to eat. I have to be very quiet so I don't disturb Mama. It's really easy for her to get possessed when she's tired.

Me and Mama had a charm to make things better by going 'uu-uu' but Mama doesn't like it anymore.

Sakutaro thinks Mama isn't a good Mama but he's wrong. Being possessed doesn't count.

[professorwolf]

[This rings so many warning bells to Lyall, mister high-school-teacher... and mister abused-by-his-Alpha, for that matter.

So, since he's actually pretty good with the network, he manages to infuse gentle curiosity into his tone rather than concern, though he's definitely feeling that.]

What do you mean by possessed, Maria?

[strategyandasword]

I wouldn't know. Gems don't have parents - we're not born, really...

Do humans find it... upsetting to not know their parents? [ She's never asked Steven. For obvious reasons. ]

[doitforhim]

Yeah, usually. They're the people who're supposed to take care of you and tell you about... y'know, where you came from. Your grandparents, what your parents did before.

[ a pause, then cautiously ]

Steven misses his mom a lot, you know. Even though he never met her. He talks about it sometimes when we're hanging out.

[detectivewonder]

Having someone who would die to keep you safe. Family, good family, is knowing you're always defended. Any time you fall, they catch you.

[papacerberus]

I remember only fragments, impressions, of being a father. If that would help you learn what you wish to know, however, I would gladly describe what I do remember.

[wolvering]

[Pod has been too shy to really contribute to the mind-speech conversations so far, but the question catches her attention. Could he be an orphan... or a bastard like her?]

I can't rightly tell you what blood parents are like as I'm a b-- an orphan.

[The correction is hasty and forceful, and probably would have been overloud if said instead of thought.]

But I can tell you that family isn't just that. It's choosing to band together and take care of each other. Conor, the man who found me-- Well, he was but a green Journeyman then, so I suppose more like a brother than a father. But he cleaned me up, brought me home to the Chapterhouse, and has looked out for me ever since. The whole guild is like a family, if a large and sometimes chaotic one, and the Masters are strict, but they truly care for what's best for us, and work hard to teach us what we need to know to go out into the Kingdoms, and maybe even be Masters in our own right someday.

[permastubble]

I-- he wasn't a terrible father. Not perfect, and losing his wife wasn't an excuse for how badly he did at it for a while there but... Being a teacher and having that hope for the future in front of him all the time helped him recover more, I think.

[There's a long pause.]

For myself... Parents love their children. My daughter is everything. Without her-- I wouldn't have a reason to keep on living, not really. I want to support her and take care of her and make sure she's always happy and safe. But there's a difference between want and execution. I failed at it and was a pretty lousy father for a long time. But I think, I hope, I've gotten back on the right track with things.

Or I was, until the Trumps kidnapped me.

[Sounds like someone else got into the truth sharing apples too.]